Shit. Jacob has called me like 5 times today. It's beginning to make my skin crawl. I like attention, but not quite that much. Twice I answered it, but he had nothing to say. I'm not some CEO or something, but what the fuck? I have other things to do besides "play-highschool." I guess this is what happens when you hook up with someone his age. Arg.

Still at the office. Getting ready to wrap up. The owner said to just come in 3 days next week for 4 to 6 hours while he's on vacation because he's worried about money. I feel stupid. I just gave him my timesheet with 70.5 hours. He exclaimed, "TWELVE HOURS!" when seeing how long I worked one day. Why do I feel so damm guilty when I know I worked my ass off the whole time and am at a rate WAY lower than I deserve or could get anywhere else. Arg! ARG ARG ARG ARG! DON'T FEEL GUILTY DON'T FEEL GUILTY DON'T FEEL GUILTY! I'M DOING HIM A BIG FAVOR. Right? Arg. arg arg arg.
- posted by Indigo Blue @ 12:47 AM Friday, April 16, 2004
Back again at the office underneath the owner's house. Although just outside the open french doors is a driveway full of non-working cars, overflowing trash cans, and random miscellaneous bits and pieces strewn about, the discomboogled state feels calming and friendly to me. (10 points for vocab Indigo!) Maybe its the resemblance to my inner world?

The morning is my favorite time; before the heat blazes up and settles thick around me like water in a Escape Artists box. I like how the ceiling fan brushes just a hint of movement on my shoulders and the sounds beyond the doors; a frog or two on the hill, busy birds, the rustling of car tarps and foliage when the breeze winds up, and just now, the growl of a plane overhead. It is quiet and peaceful and I like it here.

Driving here, I listened to some segments on NPR; about the early World Fairs, a playwright who wrote about the conflict between scientists and fisherman on the Galapagos Islands, and just a snippet of a brainy scientist experimenting with Einsteins Theory of Relativity. Thank god for NPR. What would I do without it? Post-college, I believe it may be my only source of mental stimulation.

I keep falling asleep at night (for weeks) without taking my contacts out or changing my clothes or sometimes even brushing my teeth. Then I wake up and feel gnarly. Today I came straight from work there to work here and didn't go home to shower/wash my face. I feel so yucky. I have to try to ignore it now since there's nothing I can do. (See last night's post) haha

Ok. Maybe I'll start work now. I have my vanilla macademia nut Lion's coffee to keep me company. I should be ok.