Nov 29, 2010

1 Step Forward, 6 Years Back

2 weeks ago I was in the zone.  Feeling great.  Proud.  Optimistic.  Strong.
Today I feel shattered.  Punched in the gut so hard that I flew back in time 6 years to where I started.
My head aches.  My neck aches.  My body aches.
Going to take a nap.

May 8, 2010

Progress report

45lbs down, size 10 and I ran my first ever 5K in April.  The run was such great energy. It was so life affirming to be out there in the sunshine, moving with all of those other fellow runners, making a positive change in our lives. In fact, when I crossed the finish line, I was so awed, so happy, so grateful, so proud.  I was a little choked up. I couldn't believe it was really me! That I really did it! I never in my life imagined I could "run" at all- yet here I am. These baby steps have accumulated much quicker than you could possibly imagine... I want everyone to feel this way. 
There's a certain safety in mediocrity. To emerge from the invisible is the hero's journey.

Running Strong

I keep hearkening back to the past few months. It was such a short time ago that I was ecstatic to have jogged 30 full seconds of 4 mph jogging- a moderate walking speed for some. The only way I could get through the discomfort was to count backwards in syncopation with my footfalls. (The radio required too much concentration & I was in WAY too much pain to think). A couple weeks later I had a breakthrough & pushed that to an agonizing 60 seconds.

I was

SO.

PROUD.

Then 2 minutes, then five... I blocked out the screaming desire to quit and forced myself to finish each baby mini-goal. Small as they may seem they were MY victories & I celebrated each of them!

And last night? 6 miles in the bank! Sure it took an hr & half but 1 thing at a time, but,

I'm DOING IT!

Me!

A person who HATES running, found it bewildering & chalked up runners as genetically gifted freaks of nature. (Darn them!)

So friends, if you are contemplating getting moving – whatever the form, just

GO FOR IT!
PUSH THROUGH &
DON'T GIVE UP!!!

You'll be SO glad, & SO PROUD that you did.

Because if a former hater like me can do it so can YOU!

OH and PS: the little payoffs along the way are pretty sweet too. Last night I noticed traces of a collarbone! Cha-ching! emoticon

Fitness as Transcendence

"It's not REALLY about fitness.  I'm the wrong girl for that -I hate working out.  Fitness for me is a tool that I use to help people build and construct a life.  It's about empowering you physically, and letting that transcend into other aspects of your life.  Its about being healthy - because ultimately that is the platform that the rest of your life sits upon.  When your health is not good every single other aspect of your life is going to suffer.  It's all connected. It's all holistic when it comes to being happy." 

Jillian Michaels during her weekly radio show

Apr 10, 2010

10 Ways to Think Like a Fit Person


When It Comes to Being Fit, It's the Thought That Counts
Monday, June 04, 2007
By Greg Hottinger

How many times have you seen a thin person stuffing her face with a super-sized fast food meal and thought, "I wish I could eat anything I want!"

The truth is that thin person is either 1) eating a very unusual meal for her lifestyle or 2) not as healthy you think.

Thin people may have high blood pressure, heart disease, or may have a low fitness level. For this reason, why not strive for more than being thin? How about being fit and healthy as well?

Fit and healthy people come in many different shapes and sizes and make a wide variety of food choices. Despite their differences, fit and healthy people are remarkably similar in the way they think! Here are 10 thoughts that fit and healthy people think:

1. "This is fun."
Fit people enjoy activity for the sake of the activity. It could be a night of dancing, hard fought tennis match, or hike with a good friend. But the value is intrinsic. The fact that the activity also happens to be "good for you" is secondary.

There is an appreciation of effort and skill. And the activity is undertaken with gratitude, facility, and in many cases, joy.

What you can do now: Find an activity that you would choose without knowing it's good for you or something you would miss doing if you no longer could. After completing it, journal how it felt to move and why you're grateful for the ability and opportunity.

2. "You get what you pay for."
Healthy people realize that quality foods cost more than overly processed foods. They think about how the food was grown or raised and are willing to pay more for local and/or organically grown foods. They believe that good health is built from quality foods. Their mantra is "Pay now or pay later with interest (interest being in the form of sickness, medical bills, and suffering)."

What you can do now: Identify a healthy food, like almonds or avocados, which you currently believe to be too expensive. Add them to your cart the next time you go shopping. Identify a splurge, like buying movie theatre candy or a specialty coffee drink, to give up to even out your food budget.

3. "This is easy."
Fit people MOVE! The thought of walking to get somewhere is not foreign or averse. Being fit means daily activities and chores are less taxing and fit people revel in being able to do these things easily.

Instead of avoiding mowing the lawn, chopping wood, or raking leaves, fit people look at chores as an opportunity to lift, squat, walk, lunge, twist, pull…you get the picture! Why wait to be in a gym?

What you can do now: Pick an errand or task around the house that could be a "mini-workout". As you do it, think about the similarities to some of the movements you do at the gym. What skills and strengths that you've built at the gym are you now using in everyday life?

4. "I'd rather throw this food away than wear it."
Healthy people do not succumb to the "all you can eat", "super-size", and "2 for the price of 1" traps around food. They know that bigger portions lead to eating more. So they either don't buy or aren't afraid to throw it away if they do.

What you can do now: The next time you buy food away from home, think about getting what you actually need versus getting the most for your money. Leave food on your plate and say to yourself "I'd rather throw this food away than wear it."

5. "I feel like a sports car."
Fit people need high octane! When your workout is more than a walk in the park, you have to fuel the fire!

Instead of eating as little as possible and having no "oomph" for a workout, they eat a well-portioned pre-workout meal.

Instead of over-eating, they think about their strength training session or spinning class and eat foods that help them stay energized. And they get the rest that their body needs to recover from the day and be ready for tomorrow.

What you can do now: Before your next workout, eat a light, well-balanced meal or snack to top off the fuel tank. Then stay well hydrated for exercise by drinking 8 - 16 oz of water 1 – 2 hours prior to exercise and 8 – 16 oz for every 20 minutes of exercise. Notice how you feel compared to when you eat a heavy meal, forget to eat altogether, or don't drink properly.

6. "The next delicious meal is only a few hours away."
A healthy person knows that the meal sitting before them is not their Last Supper. In fact, they've noticed that when they don't overeat at this meal, they enjoy their next meal even more. They consider food part of the celebration, not the reason for it.

What you can do now: The next time you feel tempted for that second plate of food, remind yourself that you'll be eating again in just a few hours. Take a couple of deep breaths and focus on the sensations in your body. If you still feel a strong desire to eat more, give yourself three more bites and then put the food away.

7. "That's the ticket!"
A fit person can see the connection between being fit and doing other things she finds enjoyable. Travel, gardening, sex, going to the theater, and shopping are just a few things that are enhanced by fitness.

Real life examples from clients and members include going to Disney, running a marathon, walking 30,000 steps exploring Manhattan, and hiking to Everest base camp.

What you can do now: Use a backpack to carry a weight equal to what you have lost. Wear it while you go shopping, to the park, or some other fun activity this weekend. Then, still in the midst of your fun, take it off. Savor the difference and know that there is more to come!

8. "What's my body trying to tell me?"
Healthy people pay attention to their body's signals and notice when they feel good and when their body is telling them something isn't right. People who tune in to these signals are willing to adjust their food choices in such a way that they are working with their body and not against it. They pay close attention to their hunger and fullness signals and notice that they feel better when they stay balanced, not too hungry and not too full.

What you can do now: Notice which foods make you feel good after eating them and which ones make you feel irritable, tired, or that upset your stomach.

9. "I'm hooked!"
Fit people "hook" into exercise by signing up for classes, playing in sports leagues, exercising with partners, or joining clubs based on activities like hiking.

What you can do now: Take a look at your local paper and look for upcoming events, group meetings, trips, or classes that are kicking off. Commit to signing up and participating in one event by the end of the month.

10. "'Tis the season."
Healthy people consider the ripeness and freshness of the food they buy when shopping and ordering from a restaurant. They know that when they eat an unsatisfying meal, like wilted lettuce and unripe tomatoes, a terribly bland meal, or a processed food full of artificial ingredients, they'll feel unsatisfied and will want to eat something else.

What you can do now: Think about the fruits and vegetables that are in season right now to highlight on your shopping list. Notice how delicious these foods taste and how satisfying they are.

Apr 1, 2010

30 down, 75 to go

30 lbs down in 10 weeks! I think BiggestLoser was the impetus - the inspiration. I downloaded a couple seasons & watch it on my iphone while on the treadmill. I also listen to podcasts by Jillian Michaels, who I adore. She is a rare role model to me. The hour treadmill walk before & after work has developed into a slow jog. A couple times I dared to try outside. Recently I even contemplated 6ks and half marathons. Counting cals using on an iphone app: "LoseIt" which is awesome. Goal being about 1200 a day. Bringing food to work (for the first time ever) in my Mr.Bento. Eating every 3-4 hours. Nothing processed. Virtually off coffee. Stopped eating out which includes the frequent stops at fast food joints on the way home from work because I was famished from not eating the entire day.

I try to shop mainly at WholeFoods or TraderJoes. Whole grains, fruits, veges, tons of water (which i NEVER drank before), lean chicken breast, egg whites...I wouldn't mind going vege completely again. Eating animals never did/will sit well for me... Lost about a size every 2 weeks. (The 1st week I stopped by Sears and bought 3 duplicate pairs of black slacks, and 3 pairs of jeans in size 14, 12, and 10. I started as a tight size 16-pushing 18, and just now managed to squeeze into a 10.) What a feeling to know that if need be - I could actually go into a clothing store and actually pick something off the rack. Night and day! This all is working so well, it's been - well, it's freaky! I'm scared. Scared to get scared. Scared I will sabotage myself.

The past 2.5 weeks have been neutral though: no loss, no gain. The third week of March i volunteered in Appalachia, Eastern Kentucky . My food and time were strictly controlled by the host. Towards the end of the week, i caught a bad Kentucky bug which wiped me out last week: hacking, snotting, and sleeping. It 's only been the past few days that I've been getting back on track. Slower than i had hoped, but i am focusing on staying positive, and giving myself some space. I keep telling myself that i am not doomed. A small part of me is again, scared and unconvinced.

Feb 7, 2010

110 in 2010?

It's a new year, it's a new decade.
I want to say my identity is taking on a metamorphoses, but I'm a little scared to commit this to writing for risk of jinxing myself; so concerned about jinxing myself. I never thought I was superstitious before - but, a life of "defeats" will get you to a place of self-protection; years of lowered expectations to ward off disappointment. You can't fail if you don't try? No, not trying is a failure in of itself. And where has it led? To years of low to high grade dissatisfaction, depression and unfulfilled potential. More recently, it has neared a critical mass that has disrupted my foundation. I've reflected; am I still a positive person? Optimistic? Idealistic? If not, than who I am? Not liking my outside has been a given since childhood, but now do I even like who I am on the inside anymore? Lately, I found myself disgusted all the time and I although I've continued to behave NICE, I wasn't sure if I truly was nice. Can I live with this? Do I want to be nice? If not, then what does this mean about who I've become? I've blamed it on my inability to weather the deleterious influence of New York culture; cynicism, aggression, coldness. But is this fair? Blaming empowers the external, and weakens my resolve.

And than I started working out. 1 hour+ before work. 1 hour after. Then like magic, I had no desire for processed junk food. Then like magic, I counted calories. And reading about nutrition and success. And yet, it doesn't hurt. I'm haven't sabotaged my success and I'm not feeling deprived. I feel stronger, and I have energy. I feel lighter in body and spirit. I "can" function in ways that have felt impossible for years - completing common domestic duties which I've neglected for years upon years; not without daily agonizing self admonishments. 's almost like a someone flipped a switch. I am
So.
So.
Proud.
But my first week into month two, I'm trying to hold back and contain some fear.
Is this real?
Is it going to last?
Can I, will I allow myself to realize my potential?