Oops well i didn't finish that last post because Howard called. We spoke for 2 1/2 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps the longest telephone conversation we've had in the 8+ years of our twisted relationship. It felt beautiful. Open and loving. It was the spiritual, introspective Howard that captured my heart and imagination. Although he has haunted me so often before, I truly do have a connection that has been uncomparable to any before.

...........

And back to my day... AFter my parking ticket I headed off to get an assessment of the car on-base but first would stop by to get my new insurance card. Ironically, I was pulled over for speeding. 50 in a 25. And guess what, I got a ticket for not having a proof of car insurance. What are the odds. I haven't had a speeding ticket in over 10 years and rarely speed. I'm quiet scared about it. It seems the penalty might be quite severe (doubled insurance rates, my job requires yearly traffic abstracts.....)

Then went to group therapy and there are two new members which always shakes me up. I felt shaky and nervous and upset the entirety of the session. But it was interesting, and i took it as an opportunity to observe my feelings and behaviors. I expressed it. On the drive home I felt a tremendous compulsion to stuff it all down, supress it, squash it out. I ate a sandwich on the way and could feel myself wanting to eat out of control, ravenously devour it barely breathing. But again I observed the process and perhaps intervened a bit by increasing that consciousness.

It was such an exciting night.

Oh also, I got a call from a man that I went to college with. We were 2 of 3 rebel rousing radicals in a Senior level Multicult ural Pyscho logical Counse ling program, to the dismay of our teacher and classmates, ~always questioning the power system, the fabric of the profession. He was the first Male feminist I'd ever met. (hmm have i met any since?) Haen't spoken to him in 5 years and I miss and appreciate him. He's been doing fabulous inspirational soulful things since we last spoke. I'm not surprised. He's that kind of man. A voyage with a peace group through Africa. Mediation and introspection in Europe. A master program in expressive arts therapy and multicultural psych. About to do an internship on a Cherokee Reservation. And soon to travel to Bolivia for a month or so. I admire him and hope to some day soon follow my hearts desires in the way that seems to have been. Thanks Robert! It's an honor to know you.