Relief, Freedom, New Beginnings, Awkwardness, & Discomfort
My mom finlly left my Dad. I am sent to a group home. But I am thrilled. There are maybe 40 other teenagers. People everywhere. An Aunt is there (my moms sister i believe). I say exactly how i feel to her and my Mom repeatedly about multiple issues. I let loose and "tell it all," everything that i've been keeping inside for so long. I cry to my mom that i am so relieved that she's finally left him, and now we can truly begin our lives. She had no idea i felt this way and she hugs me. i hope she is relieved from thinking its shamesful to leave and that i might dissaprove. I want her to feel supported. When she leaves the Group Home that I was just admitted to, i feel scared to be with all these unfamilar people in this new situation & am a little lonely and miss the old life. (that i hated)
There is some sort of meeting and we gather in a large circle. Some young arrogant representative of the group begins talking and speaks to me as if we've already spoken before, and that I understand the details of what he's saying. (I don't) He continues; "The room available won't be available long at this rate (fee)" . So, he wants an immediate decision from me as to whether or not i will "take it" since it is in high demand and will be taken by someone else otherwise. I believe it is my deceased Grandfather's house that we are in (my mothers father.)
We have dinner. But first there is a prayer. There an awkwardness with the two boys beside me about whether to hold hands or not. After hesitation, we do. (I think they may be 2 goodlooking real-life students)
After dinner it is time for chores. I observe a bit & then enter the small kitchen alone. It is dirtied and in disaray. I place my hands on a counter to the left, and the stove to the right and push myself around into a back flip. There is a small, rag that slides under my right had and create a tiny fire, but i am quickly and easily able to put it out. I doubt anyone will notice or catch me. I won't get in trouble. The flip was still worth it. I can hardly contain my superhuman abilities. It's like magic.
I realize that I am able suddenly do amazing acrobatics everywhere! I can jump in the air and do multiple flips. Its like i am no longer weighted down by gravity. I'm thrilled and excited about my ability to do awesome dance moves. I hadnt any idea that i could do it but it feels like a great release and thrilling. I am thoughts about teaching/bringing in some of my new housemates and creating a routine. I think they'd like that because it would be cool. I bet they'd be surprised what i can do when i'm so fat but i'll prove that i'm worthwile. It feels odd and intimidating to be the new person amongst so many. I worry some about fitting in, but am so excited and happy to me i'm not obsessively worried.
While they are doing chores, I observe the woman in charge who comes by and scolds a group of boys for not vacuuming. (Only 2 people are vacuming.) They protest, "but there aren't anymore vacuums." Then I walk to my potential "new room" and check it out. There in the room are dozens and dozens of vacuums sitting. I wonder if I should say anything. (?)
I suddenty recongnize a housemate there. I enthusiastically approach and greet her and in my mind i am aware that others peers might see that i know somone and that may boost my status in the house. She was my student; Mle a student that always more mature and older seeming one in class, appropriate and a good positive influence. Her mother/adult relative was picking her up from the house to give her a ride to a dance club. I got excited and asked to go along to which she appeared uncomfortable about the idea. I retracted my request but didn't feel devestated. It suddenly occured to me that i have my OWN car and could even drive me self, (if i reALLLY wanted to go that bad.) But i realize i don't really care. It sounded like fun at the time but I'm ok with it. Besides, its a long way to go and probably confusing to find.
At the end, I see another new housemate. (I think it is hannah) I am worried and hope she's read my comments. When I tell her i left them on her blog yesterday, she's shocked and doesn't believe that it true, that i really left any. I protest and am worried.
This is all that i remember at this moment but it was a long multilayered dream, i think. More fuzzy & indescrible than other recent ones.
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