Her house.

 Does she want me to hate myself?  I refuse.  I stay away. But somehow I feel that is not the answer. How can i stay in connection and present but unscathed.  I reject this negativity. I reject the fear based worldview. I reject the paranoia. The self consciousness. The shame.  I reject it all.  I chose love. Self acceptance.  Comfort Ease Love. 

 

Knowing God is a state of consciousness we have to obtain. That's why we keep coming back to this Earth plane.  This is a school  Earth school.  To learn how to go by God instead of our whims.  God is more lovable than all.  Not material.  We are the cause of our own problems.  All problems are due to a separation from God.  We can think of God at all times.  We can live in the material world, but the purpose of life is to have that personal relationship with God.  Shall seek her, and you can find her.  But you must apply 100%.  Scientific approach to God is important.  The scientific technique is important.  The laws of life must be lived even by saints.  Scientific meditation.   Why?  Because it awakens the centers of the spine - the chakras.  It opens the channels of the brain.  It awakens the love for God.  But you can't be redeemed by techniques alone..  The last 10% requires devotion - love for God.    God is above love and only love reaches her.  Link ringing the doorbell at God's door so she knows you're coming for her.  Devotion gets her attention.  We have to learn her laws.  The techniques help us.  Without devotion you can't touch God.  You keep God at a distance.  Love is helps us come to God.   And yet devotion alone does not take us to God.  Divine mother comes to you and responds after the scientific approach like kriya yoga initiation.    Think of divine mother all day long.  Chant of divine mother all day long.  When we forget about God we have to start again. Dif

ficulties are hard to face.  When we have the oneness of God we see her in everything.  The goal of life is return back to God.  She wants to see how soon we awaken.  When we remember our own divinity.  It just has to be a habit.  It's possible.  We have to change the habit of being on worldly thoughts  When our minds are on material thoughts it's not going to be smooth and easy.  The magnetic connection of compass needle.  Attached to the body and sense then we are forgetful of God and this does not please her.  Eat with the thought of God.  God is in that food too.  

All the qualities of God are within us.  All the powers of God, are within us. The presence of God can be felt by being aware of the spiritual eye.  The pulsation, the energy, between the eyebrows because of teh concentration.  In time, we will begin to feel that presence.  

Read the lessons also tunes us to spirit.  The ideas came from spirit.  When Guruji wrote and spoke, it came from spirit.  He is speaking to us through the lessons.  The lessons are our guru.  Everything we need to know about seeking God are in the lessons.  They are immortal.  Eternal.  Not ordinary.  They are the laws of life that all the Saints of the world taught.  The same truths.  

Intimate communion with divine father.   From the heart, not the mind: 
Permeate with love, with devotion.    Joy starts to come in, love, peace.  

Om tat sat
I love thee Lord
Reveal thyself. 

Fuck You Kevin.

You fucked up.  I know this statement will come as a shock to you, and that's the worst part.  And had it just been one thing - i might call and try to resolve.  However, it wasn't.   Multiple fucked up things.  I wish to break it off.  

How dare you spring that shit on me?  I didn't agree to that. You didn't ask me until it was already confirmed. I cried before we arrived, and still you put your needs before mine. Why?  Why was it so important? Why the urgency/?  You need her approval?  Why?  What does she have to do with you and I?  

one.  

Two. 

you fucking asshole.  do you recall me telling you i wasn't feeling ready to date?  that i had ptsd?  recovering from trauma?  you said we could be friends?  remember how i said i wanted to go to the doctor?  remember how you said you just wanted to spend time together?  just give me a hug?  develop intimacy?  

you booked a hotel and laughed, what did you ezpect?  (we were in a hotel)

well, why DID you book it?  did i ask you?  what was the urgency?  because you were disspaointed your trip was canceled?  so?  so that meant obviously we would have sex?  

fuck you kevin.  seriously.  you can't believe i'm saying this? your shocked?  see what i mean? fuck you. 

why didn't i say something, right?  you asked me, right? 

well, why do YOU think.  

why don't you answer that yourself. 

you love games, right?  

see if you can figure the rest of this out on your own. 

not investing any more energy.