Its 5aM, why am i waking up now? that's crazy . that never happens. i'm typing with my eyeS closed. (literally) .in bed. i'll edit later.

DREAMS:
carrying some family's (whos?) big oversized awkward baby around. its too long and too heavy and it keeps falling out of my arms. i drop it oto the floor and feel guilty. for some reason tthis big bbaby irritates me. it says weird things. not baby like tthings. hoin fact, why is a baby talking anyway? it whines to me, "I'M NOT AMORPHOUS" why does the baby care, i can't even reason to it that tthat doesn't even mean anything and its siblings are just teasing him because the baby is too young to explain. irritating and i wish the parents would relieve me of the burden of trying to take care of it. if they weren't so wrapped up in themselves, they would pay more attention to him. i mean, its not MY baby anyway. geez. finally i capture their attention, wait, is my mom one of the parents? anyway, i get their attention and i ask if its ok to let him go. i'm irritated because when i keep putting him down he climbs up on a plug and starts grabbing at my clock and messing with things and disrupting my stuff. the parents just don
t even notcice. they excuse his behavio as normal. i s think to myself, well if he had TOYS it might prevent his messing with other things. the parent (my mom?) says, "oh just go ahead and put him down" "i've seen him entertain himself for hours before" so, i do, with doubt. then i set up a water pitcher like thing *looks like a BRITA pitcher( with a tube in itube in it attached oto the baby sitting next to it so he can breathe. the water moves up and down with his breathe. i prope him against t and ask the parents, isthis ok? thye kinda glance over, but get destracted with themselves (they hardly ever pay attnetion to him) and dismissively say, "yeah yeah that's fine) ...theman says he lost 250 (somethings? i think he's talking about money but i'm not sure i think hehas some kind of accent?) somewhere. ( i think to myself he's talkinga bout at a garbage dump) and he needs to go find it immediately. i have an urge to volunteer to help, but i restrain myself because i think it will make the lady jealous, suspicious, so i don't . he takes off. i notice the carpets underneath the baby in the kitchen area are wet and gross. i move them around so he doesn't get too affected. i know in my heart he's not in a good position for a baby and i should be taking better care but i'm still irriated at him for being sunch a nusiance and its really the parents responsiblity anyway. their last baby was so different. it was so nice and comfortable to pick up.

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in my van tumbling down the street. looks like spokane residential street. i'm going terribly fast and am out of control.. the brakes won't work the car won't stop. i am now going backwards and triying to swearve around parked and moving cars from behind. it seems an impossible task and for an instant it occurs to me with pride that i'm doing an awesome job. sucessfully navigating an impossible feet. i know the time is limited though and i soon inevitably CRASH into something. l(like a fire hydrant?) the van SPLITS in two, like the car part some where, and then 2 small mettal piecesdown down down the street and me. we are thrust forward. i don't know where the car goes. they two metal pieces are rolling rolling rolling. i try despartely to catch up but can not. i worry i'll get in trouble from the neighbors. i hope despartely to not be sseen. i am panicked but also feeling a giddy rebelliousness. like i'm getting away with something or an adventrue, trying to get away with soemthing. theres a certain sense of excitemtn and freedom in my crash and journey looking for the parts...........i am looking everwhere. up and downhills. in an apartmetn complex. i park my van and go it to the complex. i come back out and it is marked up with pieces of paper attached all across the windsheild and roof from the apt complex, "we're going to tow you soon if you don't move your care" i am slightly concerned, but mostly i just laugh at their stupidty. "they can't do that! they don't even have the jurisdiction" who do they think they are and i am still feeling that sense of revellion. i rip them off and drive on my way. ha ha! i got them! ... at some point i sit in the drivers sit and with contentment write in my blog on a laptop spread before me on a builtit in table i glow in my contentment and feel untterly happy in my little van-home (vw camper) the envy of passerbyers

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i've walked to some sort of plant. water plant? something big and industrial and official. governemental like. there is something about to go wrong. something big. like a natrual disaster of something in the plant is about to bust. like the water is going to go pouring through the building like a tidal wave and carry away all of the people and drownd all in site. i have some special insight and foreknowledge and i quickly problems solve/ asses/plan an escape. but i'm not quite sure what's going to happen and i've never been here before so my problem solving skills aren't quite effective. i'm working with impossible odds. quick quick. what do i do? maybe it's not going to be the tdal wave busted pipe thing. what do i do. a person is walking by, and i quickly asess that we can work together to survive. then a few more. i quickly inititae a pact. ther is more power in numbers and we quickly bond. we are nerds. misfits, joining forces. i look around and guess, we can go forward towards town, but i don't know if theres engough time, we can go behind bak into the building for cover, but i think we'll be trapped when the water comes and hit things and suffocate, so i think we should go up up up to the right, cimb that equipment, and the (about 10) of us start climbing. i pause and help the people behind me despite feeling panicked and scared. i feel its worthe the sacrifcie to help out. it feels good to be calm and brave. .. we find ourselves in some sort of control room. to our relief there is suddenly a computer guy amongst us. and he's worked for them before and knows the codes to the giant guns!! YES! what alucky break. he starts typing furiously but it is too late. there is a pounding at the door. the deak skeletons are clamoring to get us. one trys to grab me and i slam it shut just it time pushing its bones out of the way.. i am terrifiyed beyond belief. truly terrifyed. its getting bad. what are we going to do?

i think this is where i wake up. i notice my mouth is open wide and dry. i wonder if i alwyas sleep like this? i keep breathing to check if i have sleep apnea like i recently suspected.. no, seems ok. i try to look at the clock and squint because my eyes are bad. 5am?!!??!?! what the hell is going on. that NEVER happens!!!! i check in with my head. a very very mild ache still. thank god it lightened up. but i have the sense of the aftermath of sickness. like you've really been through something major and are now on the other side of the traumas. like ahving been through a war. i don't recall everhaving a headache like that before.... highly unusual. inexplicable.

now waht do i do? try to go back to bed? but why? i don't feel tired at all. how EXTREMELY PECULIAR.... i've never (not that i can remember) ever experienced such a thing. is it that htp? good god, So weird...