dreams just now:

(typing with eyes closed:)

mom and i are standing on a cliff thousands of feet above the ocean. i think i see whales below and try look but feel dizzy and am scared of slipping. i ask her, do you see? she looks over, but does not. i lie flat on my stomach and look again. i'm excited and feel an urgency to see them... she trys again. while standing leans over. it seems she's more able to control herself and its not as scary/ hard as for me. i'm terrifed i will lose my balance and tumble over. within an instant i see that she is plunging below and is allready just a speck. she is gone. my heart breaks and i instnatly follow her and jump, thinking, i can't let her be alone. ambulances will never find her, it will be too late. if anything can be done to help her, which is doubtbul, the only chance would be now, and so i follow. i doubt either of us will survive but i can't imagine at least living with the pain of at least not trying. at least we will die together.
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parents are living in a large/mansion like home. i visit briefly. my dad is putting me down, attacking me, insulting and barraging me with unfair irrational rude criticisms. i yell back to defend myself and decide to take off. i hear him continuing on about me through the door/wall/window and i turn around and return through the front door to rebutt is assanine insults. i am furious. mom says a couple, meak, "well, not ALWAYS" but its not convincing. she never stands up for me. i feel venomous hate in the moment while always being aware that i will soon feel guilty after the dispute... i speed off in my vehicle
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i have a date with michael jackson. hes a nice, firendly down to earth guy. easy to talk to and normal despite the media hype and rumors. its good fun. i like him
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there's a magic field with various plants and mushrooms, patches of dirt, shrubbery, spirits, energy areas, and is to be set up on a date with a young, doctor. i think he seems interesting, but she's not so impressed.

i am holding a crying baby. it's j's i think. there are many people around. the baby crys and crya and then suddenly stops and go stills. i think i've killed it and am scared. a woman next to me says that's silly and exclaims its just sleeping! ok.

after this, the event begins. that doctor guy will be there and i am excited to "see him" it is some sort of fundraising even. 8 people get in costumes and what not on the street corner to attract attention. he and i are dressed up like lions. there are 3 middleaged, heavy women who, on cue, race across the street in unison, all wearing hideous tight orange costumes, the tgl is one of them

i'm in the restroom with papers and a calculator and bottle of pills. i'm trying to calculate how many pills i need to take. i borrowed the calculator from the group home. i have out 4 iplls to take but they fall back into the container that is filled iwth water and begin dissolving. i fish to get them out and it is a big mess. i put the half dissolved once back in and take out the handful of unwet ones. a staff comes in the pulic restroom looking for the calcultor. from behind the stall i volunteer before getting in trouble, "i have it!!" and i feel their suspicion. i push it out under the stall for them.
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with the encouragement of parents i buy a big white jeep like lexus. again, it drives fast and feels uncontrollable. it is raining outside and hard to see. but the fancy lexus windshield wipers work great and clear it, momentarily.. i have friends with me. anj is one, i think. i feell excited but slightly concerned about the spontaneous decision. its nice to have such a tremendous nice quality thing that i never though i could have. but i know it will soom (by tommorw) be quite a burden ... in the moment though, i used the excuse as my parents encouragement to just go for it. by them agreeeing, it made it ok.