Dad

Gosh, two days in a row of lighthearted good humor! Maybe this retirement thing has done him good? Maybe its simply time smoothing out the edges? Maybe being diagnosed with leukemia forced him to confront his mortality and realign his priorties? I don't know, but whatever it is he's different. Less explosive, fast tempered. I haven't heard him bark once. He cooks for my Mom while she's teaching school. He grocery shops. (And yucks it up like a comedian with the clerks.) He spends hours and hours of his time obsessively researching and planning his European vacations like a travel agent. When he goes he take hundreds and hundreds of photos that he uses for maintaining his treasured VrtlTrst page. In the photos my parents are smiling ear to ear, holding glasses of wine on rustic terraces. Enjoying life. He's reads! Sci-fi is his thing. His latest pride and joy project is his homemade lmnclo: complete with professional looking bottling and printed labels. I don't know what to think.

Today he and i went into the quaint little neighboring town to visit my Aunt's Artists Co-op. He gabbed with a potterer for a good 20 minutes. We walked around aimlessly looking at shops and admiring pretty flowers along the way. I asked tentatively if he minded if i grabbed some coffee and he gushed. "SUREEEEEEE!!! WE HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME!!" And then insisted he pay and we sit down. We'd planned to go to his favorite bistro, but because it was closed we settled on darling gourmet pizzeria (erm, did i just say "darling?" Ew!). We munched and talked. (Mostly about D. - heheh) It was pretty damm close to bonding. At least the closest thing i can remember. He even asked me about the Guru and my dancing. Will wonders ever cease.

Growing up he was always at work. When he was home, he wasn't really home. If he spoke, he snarled. If he talked, he yelled. If he looked at me, he put me down. But mostly he hung with the tv. It was his best friend. I was scared of him and i tried to stay away. I learned to come home from school and go straight to my bedroom to protect myself and that was that. It wasn't pleasant. It wasn't fun. It was uncomfortable and yucky.

I'm glad for my Mom. It must be so much nicer for her now. (If he's always like this.) More than anyone else, i worried about her. She's the nicest, kindest person you could ever hope to meet. Purely kind. And loving. And sweet. Though i can't say i wasn't also angry at her for not protecting us. And why didn't she stand up for herself? Why didn't she speak her mind? I wanted her to be a better role model: to not be run over and put down.

Anyway, this is history that happily i see may be changing. What's important is now. We've all made mistakes. We grow. It takes alot of strength and courage to reshape who we are. I'm proud of him.