Costume
Practice Sari(s)
Practice Outif
White Metal Jewlery (Complete Costume Set)
Real Silver Head Ornament
Real Silver Bun Ornament
Bun Crown
Real Silver Rings (6)
Red dye for fingers and feet
B e l l s
Red Polish/Waterproof Foundation/White pencil/jewlery case/safety pins/bobby pins/water bottle/disposable camera
Books:
The GG (a religous text that the dance is based about a love affair between a good and mortal woman)
The NS (the 2000 year old dance treatise)
Music & Videos
3 blank video tapes
5 blank audio tapes
1 blank CD
photocopies of B.N.book
Lessons:
Private (10-12?) and Group (1 mth)
Postcards/Coffee-teas/plants & fountain present for Guru/
Holy shit. What am i doing? Do i need this or not? Is this an opportunity or am i getting carried away? Am i being greedy? Want-y? Or practical with measured consideration. Who knows when/if ever i'll go to I n d i a and be able to get this stuff myself? So, yes it's more expensive to buy from the Guru, but so is an overseas plane ticket to get the stuff on my own and/or shipping.
But will it be a waste? Will i really use it all? Well, i need to ask myself, am i really going to dance? Can i continue on my own? Am i going to peter out? Will i be able to maintain discipline and routines without support? Will these goodies collect dust in a closet or will they put to immediate and regular use?
Will i pursue this dream, or won't i?
I don't want to go home broke. But I don't want to pass up opportunities because of doubt.
Arg!
I absolutely hate to spend money!
4 comments:
Do you need it all at once?
That's my question. I suppose i could have somethings mailed? Most would be necessary for a complete costume so i could perform.....? Some are duplicates (like the bells and white metal set) of what i have in Hawaii. But, i don't know when i'll get my stuff mailed and what condition it is in... Then i rationalize that if i get on the ball and teach i could use give/sell the extra to a student - or keep it for myself if a piece breaks. (?)
hmmm... well i should have some left over... (i've been too nervous too officially add it all up) ...but i just got my last unemployment check so i'm officially without income. i expect i can find something quickly (like temp work or something) when i get back to NY - but it its intimidating... as far as rent money, i'm very, very fortunate in that The Cutie (D) has generously had my back... i don't *think* he's gonna kick me out anytime soon???
erm... right D??? =)))
But yes, it does feel like a real opportunity....
even if i don't dance again?
that actually is relief to hear suggested. i hadn't thought of it like that and it makes me feel better...
thanks
I think i can safetly slim this list way down.... Focus will be a costume and lessons... The rest will be left for another time. It's too stressful to overextend myself like that. It makes me feel terrible and might be a burden when i come back home to real life.
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