summarize, give title for post. analyze/apply to my life. "It's perfect.Heavy, light, those types of things. Because that is real. By starting with your own sensations, you will start to end the hypnosis of the words you were using. Remember I said to you, the words you attach to your experience become your experience. Well, you have certain words you use a lot, so you keep feeling the same feelings and you think it's your partner, and it's your actual words that then create real emotions. But it's the words creating them. And it's because you're starting with a small selection of words when you're upset instead of a broader one. So tell him, what are the sensations you're feeling when you're going to talk about this? Is that what you want to deal with, this thing you were talking about? What are the sensations? Or how I feel now. How I feel right now having talked about it is I feel very shaky all over. That would be the sensation. Where are you shaky? This is what you can do as the partner. It's not interrogation. It's sincere interest. Honey, where are you feeling shakiness? I'm not questioning you. I just want to know. I want to fully feel or understand what you're experiencing. Ladies, how many would appreciate that if somebody gave you that feedback? By the way, that's not what most men want to do because we want to just solve it. The way you're going to solve it is feeling her and bringing presence to her, and then she will solve it. Not by you telling her. Now, if she asks you what to do, that's different. But I wouldn't give it to start with any more than you want to be coached. OK, so what are the sensations? You're shaking. Will you take over? I'm just going to listen. Where are you shaking? Like my whole body feels shaky, and then my heart just feels a little bit in pain, a little bit heavy, and nervous. And I think the emotion that I have is feeling really scared. About how you'll feel after what I shared. Is there any other feeling besides scared? Sad. Yeah, that's good. We wanna know them all. Does that make sense? Okay, so you're feeling scared and what else? I'm sad. And mad. Oh, and mad. Oh, good. Bonus round, we got all three. Anything else? Those are the three. Mad at myself. That's a really good question, Will. Is there any part of you feeling glad that you talked about it? Yes, actually, yes. A part of me is feeling glad that we, that feels like a weight lifted off of my chest, a big weight off my chest that we discussed it. Wow. Is there any part of you that feels excited or more alive? Actually, yes. I guess there is. Wow. Isn't this becoming a more encouraging conversation now, Will? It's getting better and better. By the way, gentlemen don't always understand this because most men don't really go deep into their feelings in terms of discussions. But women don't often don't know what they're feeling until you ask them. Ladies, raise your hand if it's true. I couldn't understand this in the beginning. I was like, ask my wife, what are you feeling? I don't know what I'm feeling. Well, who does if you don't? That was not the right response. Okay, another good one. I learned. So, what's beautiful now, what's already happened, Will, tell me what's happened inside of you and tell me what's happened inside of her. Start with her. What's happened inside of her? I think she's letting go. What gives you that sense? I think you're right, but what gives you that sense? I'm curious. Well, you know, I can see it in just her physiology. Yeah. And we talked about it a little bit before, but even more now. Even more. It's great to see the progress. You know, I'm avoidance, so... You mean you were? I was. You're not right now. Look what you're doing, well. Yeah, no. The opposite of avoidance. So be careful about how you label yourself. That's what I was trying to do with these pattern reps. The most difficult pattern to break is when you make it your identity. That's why I didn't want you to go back, well, my childhood is... Even though that may have been an initial source, you can make different choices. And people do. People go in environments where they were not loved, not hugged, and they're extremely secure. They just decided God gives them that security or the universe does. So when we look for the source, we often lock ourselves in that that's who we are. So I'm very careful about whatever I attach the words I am to. Because whatever you attach the words I am to with enough repetition and enough emotion, you will be. Even if it's not true. So I think it's really useful to know that I have been that, but I try my language to break the pattern as well because otherwise words are hypnotic. You saw it on stage. That's all it was, was words. Words are very hypnotic. Certain words are extremely hypnotic based on your history. Certain words you've used so much, they just instantly put you in a trance. Most people in a relationship go in a trance. What is a trance? You're inside, not outside. So you're not experiencing this. You're experiencing your past. And you're attaching it to this. So then you think this is that. This is not that. That is not this. And you don't need a pink Cadillac. I don't know why I said that, but it's helpful. Continue. Yeah, I mean, so I was sitting, waiting in line out here. The door's open and she had a break from work, so she texted me, should I come down and we can talk about the plan to leave? And I said, sure. And then when I was thinking, or really not thinking, feeling, I thought to myself, I guess this part was thinking, I'm just gonna do the opposite of what I would usually do in this case. And so what I've usually done. Well, that I said to you guys earlier, the fact that you got that so quick, I only said it once. That's great. Gentlemen, this is the secret to your success with a woman. Do the opposite of what you want to do when things are crazy. I promise you it'll be better than the shit you used to do. Continue. So when she came down. What would you normally have done? I don't know what I said, let's, you know, pack up the car and let's get out of here. And you did what instead? I said that must have been very difficult for you last night to. Oh, how do you, come here, come here. Father, that's awesome. That's beautiful. That's gorgeous. That was a soul speaking. Nod your head. I love you. What pattern did he just break? What always makes you suffer? Focusing on yourself. What did he do instead? He entered her world. How did that make you feel? Really great. And then he gave me a hug. Yes. What besides great, though? Think it a little bit. What did it really feel? You were coming down thinking what? That we were gonna fight and leave. And what happened instead? Instead, he acknowledged how he thought I must have felt in that moment, and showed me that he was gonna try to make me feel safe and secure going through it. That's how I felt. Wow. How special is that? It was really special, and then I didn't do a good job. That's OK. What'd you do, test him right after you delivered good stuff? I don't remember. You have the perfect memory. It was some kind of test. It was, like, you should really try to talk to Tony about how you get stuck in the past story. That's a great thing to do. Talk to Tony. That's what you say when someone's considering leaving. That's a great strategy. Now, why did she do that, gentlemen? That was a what? It was a what? Is it the last one? No. Now, there'll be many more. That's what you have to look forward to the rest of your life. Perhaps you could say, it's the way in which she proves to herself how much I already love her. And I'm willing to play that game because I do love her. That's the game of my life. Please continue. This is quite a narrative. It's been a busy day. By the way, these two human beings are demonstrating what all of us wanna do for the rest of our lives. Do you get it? This is an issue that is highly charged. And instead of going in their own pity pots, which they both are doing at times, but they decided, they chose to be awake to their own responsibility and they're out of that their own opportunity to make it even better. That when this bone heals, if you break a bone, this is a fact, when it heals, it becomes the strongest bone in the body. People who never broke a bone live in fear. If you have a child and you protect them, they never broke a bone as adults, they're afraid to break a bone. But if you broke a ton of bones and you're still fine, you don't fear breaking bones and so you have a great life. Some of us have overprotected our children. You think they should never see an argument, they should never be that. Then they're gonna walk into a world that's imaginary and isn't true, and they're gonna be massively disappointed when they are not as perfect as you tell them they are all the time, and when everyone doesn't meet their needs like you did. This is beautiful. Please continue. Where should we go next? Do you wanna talk? What's the third question? She told you what her sensations were. She told you what she was feeling. By the way, she was feeling some good things too.
Summary
This teaching shows that the words we habitually use shape our emotional reality. When people argue or feel upset, they often fall into a trance—reliving the past instead of experiencing the present. By shifting from labels and stories (“I’m avoidant,” “You always…”) to sensations and emotions in the body, the trance breaks.
In relationships, healing happens not by solving or advising, but by presence—curious, non‑defensive attention to what the other person is actually feeling. Asking about sensations (“Where do you feel that?”), emotions (scared, sad, mad, relieved), and even positive feelings opens safety. When presence replaces self‑focus, tension dissolves and connection deepens.
The deeper warning: identity language is dangerous. Repeating “I am” statements tied to past wounds turns patterns into prisons. Words repeated with emotion become who we believe we are—even if they’re no longer true.
🔹 Core Insights (Stripped to Essentials)
Words create feelings; feelings reinforce identity
Most relationship conflict = being in a past-based trance
Sensations → emotions → clarity → safety
Presence heals faster than problem‑solving
Identity labels (“I am avoidant”) are harder to break than behaviors
Doing the opposite of your usual reactive pattern often unlocks change
Conflict handled consciously strengthens the bond (like a healed bone)
🔹 Analysis & Application to Your Life
This lands very directly in your story.
1. You’ve Lived Inside Strong Identity Language
Your life history has required you to explain yourself in order to survive. That creates powerful identity narratives:
“This is how I am”
“This is because of my childhood”
“This pattern always shows up”
Those explanations once protected you—but now they cost you flexibility.
The insight here is critical for you:
Understanding your past is useful. Living inside it is optional.
Your growth edge is not more insight—it’s lighter language.
2. You’re Highly Verbal — Which Means Words Hit You Harder
Because you’re articulate, reflective, and meaning‑driven, words affect your nervous system faster than most people’s.
That means:
Certain phrases instantly trigger emotional states
Old labels create immediate physiological reactions
Conversations can feel “heavy” before anything actually happens
This teaching gives you a workaround:
👉 Drop below words into sensation first
Instead of:
“I feel rejected”
Try:“My chest feels tight and shaky”
That single shift pulls you out of trance and into the present.
3. Your Power Move: Presence Over Performance
You have spent a lifetime being the one who holds it together, explains, fixes, anticipates, or manages outcomes.
This work asks you to reverse that:
Less explaining
Less proving
Less narrating identity
More being with what is
In relationships (romantic, family, work):
You don’t need to be impressive
You don’t need the right words
You don’t need to solve anything
Your presence is already disarming when you allow it to be simple.
4. This Is About Freedom, Not Just Relationships
At a deeper level, this applies to how you’re redesigning your life right now.
You’re in a moment where:
Old structures are dissolving
New possibilities aren’t fully formed
Fear wants to label this as “instability”
But if you say:
“I am unstable” → identity
Instead of:
“I feel uncertainty and tightness in my body right now” → experience
One traps you.
The other passes.
🔹 Your Practical Takeaway (Use This Daily)
When things feel intense—internally or with others—ask only these three questions:
What sensations am I feeling right now?
What emotions are present (all of them, even the good ones)?
What words am I repeating that might be hypnotizing me?
Then soften the words.
You’re not here to fix yourself.
You’re here to stop mislabeling yourself.
And that alone creates relief.
If you want, next we can:
Rewrite your most common “I am” statements into non‑hypnotic language
Or apply this directly to one relationship or decision you’re facing right now
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