PRESENCE WITHOUT SELF-BETRAYAL — Pocket Cheat Card
🟥 Internal Signals — Early Warning
Stop & Anchor
Chest/stomach/jaw tension → pause, breathe, label: “Monitoring, not connection”
Urge to explain/justify → grey-rock
Silence feels dangerous → stay silent, breathe
Anxiety from questions → respond minimally, maintain posture
Keyword: Early detection = less energy lost
🟨 Neutral / Grey-Rock Phrases
Say This — Warm, Not Feeding
“What’s going on?” → “Nothing much.”
“You seem different.” → “Maybe.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” → “I’m not sharing that.”
“Why are you so quiet?” → “I like quiet.”
Task requests → “I’m not taking that on.”
Anxious observation → “I hear that.”
Tip: Tone > words; repeat verbatim if pressed.
🟩 Somatic Discharge & Reset
Land Yourself — Release & Restore
Anchor: Hands on chest/stomach, inhale 4, exhale 6, say internally: “I can feel this without fixing anything.”
Discharge Options:
Brisk walk 1–3 min
Shake arms/legs
Wall push/stretch
Punch pillow/cushion
Contain: Name one thing you did well, say: “That was contact, not collapse. I did not lose myself.”
Reorient: Do something for you — music, writing, gym, call a friend
🟦 Core Principles — Rules of Engagement
Earned intimacy = calm, spacious, respects boundaries
Coerced closeness = pressuring, urgent, demands access
Longing allowed — no explanation required
Warmth ≠ feeding: present, kind, embodied, without regulating
Presence without self-betrayal = adult, healthy, rewires old patterns
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