020, and uh was the gestalt. I don't want to follow him. And um and so that huge, that huge moment where you had us walk through that hard, hard time, and go, don't do that. And suddenly I had that breakthrough of like, no, I don't want to do that. And I changed my story from, I'm not likable to, I don't care if people like me. That's awesome. And ironically, you know how Scania is, people like you because you like yourself, right? You know, you, you exude a different energy right now. How many like this? How many like this when we finish with the worship? I think that's the coolest thing in the world. Listen, and your glasses, are they a reflection of that? I'm curious, like. Absolutely. Getting bold, being myself, absolutely taking like these little steps every step of the way, day by day, like, okay, let's test this bound. I'm just going to be myself and see what happens. That's cool. Well, you know what? So many people are not themselves. They're trying to be something else. I mean, social media is made up of people putting filters on themselves to try to make themselves be something they're not, that when you have somebody themselves, when something, someone is authentic, it's so rare. I mean, everything's bullshit. Reality television is bullshit. They script it, right? It's like, so you meet something real that usually creates likeability for anybody who's got a heart, and that's who you want to connect with anyway, not somebody who's a jerk and doesn't care. So, well, that makes me so happy. What she's describing, what she's describing is at the seminar, we do this process. It's pretty intense because we do it through four days, but it's called the Dickens process. So if you know the story of Scrooge, he didn't want to change. He wasn't about to change. But if you get your brain to the point where it's called leverage, where change becomes a must, not another day, not another moment, that pain gets you to break through. And then you add a whole new set of beliefs, right? This is not what I want. This is who I am. This is what I'm going to be. That's fantastic. Well, thank you. Congratulations. Give her a giant hand. That's really beautiful. Give her a hand. Thank you. You know, there's so much out there about mental health these days, and you know, so many people think, they talk about self-care, self-care, self-care all the time, and sure, you should take care of yourself, but you got to grow. Just comforting yourself is not enough. Growth is what will get you out of stress. If you don't grow, then you're just gonna get weaker and weaker by self-care. Don't get me wrong, take care of yourself, but our society has more about mental health because we aren't doing the things that actually make us stronger, right? When you get weaker, it doesn't get easier, it gets harder. How many of you know what I'm talking about? Know it's true if they're in a relationship, right? So how many of you, well, let me give you this. I'll give you, I'm gonna get, I spent a lifetime doing this to take complex things and make them simple. In the beginning of my career, I tried to make things as detailed and complex as I could, I think to prove to myself how smart I was, how stupid is that, or to prove it to other people. I don't know which, probably both. But what I found is simplicity has power. In fact, if you wanna write down an important phrase, think about this. You know, when you think about something that is complex, complexity is the enemy of execution. Jot it down. Complexity is the enemy of execution. The more complex you make something, the harder it is to get people to do it. So I'm gonna show you right now the essence, and you tell me if it's true because you look at your own life. When you had a breakthrough, most of you, how many of you out there, when you had a breakthrough, it was triggered by pain? Raise your hand, make some noise, give me a thumbs up if pain was the trigger for you. Let me see those hands. And you'll see it, and that's about from visually, roughly about 90%. How many of you, what triggered you to change was excitement, like a new option, you saw something that you saw was possible? Raise your hand if that was it. And so it's about 5 or 10%. So most people use pain to do it, and they have to get enough pain that they finally handle the situation. Like, you know, you ever been in a rela... How many of you have ever been in a relationship way too long? Who's ever done this before, right? It's like, you know, you know it's right, it's not right for you, it's not right for them, but you stay. Why do you stay? Because you'd rather deal with the devil you know than the devil you don't know being alone, right? But some of you got to a point one day where your brain went, not another day, not another hour, not another moment. It was painful in the past, it's painful in the present, it's gonna be painful. I'm out of here! And you got free. So pain can be leveraged, but so can pleasure. But I'm gonna give you the three keys to creating a breakthrough real fast, because if you want to create a breakthrough in your body, in your relationship, in your finances, in your company, I don't care where it is, I'm gonna simplify it to these three things. And they all start with an S. Three S's. And I'm gonna give them to you in reverse order of importance. Why? Because most people put them in the wrong order. Now why does that matter? Well, if you know a person's phone number and you dial it in the wrong order, you don't reach them. If you know the right code to open a vault, but you put the numbers in the wrong sequence, you don't reach them. There is a sequence that will get you to a breakthrough 10 times faster, and most people don't do it. That's why most people don't break through. So I'll start with the third S. It's the last one. So if you're going SSS, it'd be the one to the far right, but that's where people start. And the first S, when people are looking at a breakthrough, what do most people do? If they're overweight, What do you think? Well, OK, I'm gonna change how is the question. They look for a strategy. That's what the S stands for. They look for the right strategy. Now, that makes common sense, doesn't it? Like, you're not getting results in your finances, you're not getting results in your body, in your relationship, you think, I should go figure out the right strategy. Let me go figure out how to do it. The E might be the problem, but most of the time, it's not. Most of the time, let's take being overweight. 70% of Americans are overweight. It's the most overweight country in the history of the world, and unfortunately, we're infecting the rest of the world with our habits, and many other countries are starting to follow us in this area. Now, are people overweight because the strategy for being fit and strong is so complex that only the most intelligent people on earth can figure this shit out? Right? No. The strategy for being fit and strong is so complex that only the most intelligent people on earth can figure this shit out. Right? No. Is it because the strategy is so expensive that only the 1% can afford it? No. Right? In fact, the strategy on how to get fit and strong is available where? Everywhere. You have to avoid it. Right? It's on the internet. It's everywhere. You can download 10 books on it right now on your phone. You could see courses. Listen, if you don't want to go to a club, God forbid, you can go someplace and work out. You can hire a trainer that comes to your home. Now, you go, I can't afford that. Well, then you could go for a run. I mean, there's a million things to do. So it's not a strategy problem. It's a psychological problem, and that's why there's a second S that needs to be handled first, and that is the real problem is the story you have. It keeps people from breaking through as they have a story about why they can't break through. It's because I was abused as a child. It's because I'm not old. I'm too old. It's because I'm too young. It's because you don't understand what I've been through. Right? If they haven't lost weight, they'll say, I've tried everything. And I'll say, everything? Yes, I've tried everything. Tell me, how many of you... I've tried, I don't know, I've tried hundreds of things. Name them. Well, I've tried dozens of things. Name them. They'll go, well, I did do these two things that don't work over and over again. Right? So if you don't know what doesn't work over and over again, it doesn't change, right? But the problem is, your story keeps you from finding the strategy. Now, don't get me wrong. Sometimes people have the wrong strategy for being fit and healthy. I remember, I think it was 15 years ago, on the cover of Time magazine, they said, I think it was 14% of Americans were on the Atkins diet, where you ate just massive amounts of protein and you had to pee on a stick. I mean, it doesn't take too long to figure out that if you've got to pee on a stick and your breath is going to smell that bad, this is not a sustainable solution, but it made you pee really a lot. You lost a lot of water weight. You had less calories, and so people lost weight, but they couldn't sustain it, right? So it wasn't a great strategy. But the point is, have you ever tried to help somebody go, oh, I've tried that. Well, how many times? How many different ways? Which specific example? The story stops them. If you don't have the relationship you want, people say, well, all the good ones are gone, right? Or they're gay and I'm not, or I'm gay and they're not, or whatever, right? People come up with a story. What is a story? It's just a set of beliefs you tell yourself over and over and over again. You know, there's an old phrase that says, if you tell a lie, a lie big enough, loud enough, and often enough, sooner or later, people believe you. Who said that? Goebbels. Goebbels worked for Hitler. That was the strategy. You told everybody this big lie until people believed it. It's insane. Now, most of us are Hitler to ourselves. We lie to ourselves so we never find the strategy. Or even if the strategy is right in front of us, we don't act on the strategy. How many can relate to this in some way? Make some noise if you can relate to make sense of it. But here's what's really interesting, you know, Tony, how do I change my story? You start with the right sequence, and the first thing that creates change is changing your state. We've alluded to that here. I had you do it with your energy, with your body. Your state is your mental, emotional state. I'll give you an example so you understand. Have you ever been pissed off at somebody, really angry with somebody, and then suddenly you can remember everything?
Yeah — this section is the hinge of the whole framework. What he’s doing here is stripping change down to its load-bearing beams and then fixing the order most people get wrong.
Let me distill it cleanly and connect the dots you’re circling.
1. The breakthrough you quoted is story collapse, not confidence
That woman didn’t become confident.
She stopped negotiating with the story:
“I’m not likable” → “I don’t care if people like me.”
That’s not positive thinking.
That’s identity liberation.
And the irony you noticed is real and repeatable:
When you need approval, you leak tension.
When you stop needing it, your nervous system relaxes.
Relaxed people feel safer.
Safer people are more likable.
So likability wasn’t the goal — it was the side effect of self-alignment.
2. Why authenticity suddenly feels magnetic
Tony nails something most people miss:
Authenticity is rare because most people are performing.
Filters.
Scripts.
Curation.
“Personal brands.”
When someone shows up unfiltered, it registers as relief.
Not excitement — relief.
Your body says:
“Oh. This person isn’t pretending. I can exhale.”
That’s why authenticity scales.
That’s why it cuts through noise.
3. Self-care vs growth — this is a sharp but accurate line
This part is uncomfortable, and that’s why it matters:
Comfort without growth makes you weaker.
Self-care soothes.
Growth strengthens.
If all you do is soothe:
tolerance drops
resilience erodes
normal stress feels overwhelming
Growth increases your capacity so the same stress feels lighter.
The goal isn’t to feel good.
The goal is to be able.
4. “Complexity is the enemy of execution” (this is huge)
This is one of his cleanest truths.
People don’t fail because they don’t know enough.
They fail because:
there are too many steps
too many frameworks
too many “nuances”
Simplicity creates motion.
Motion creates feedback.
Feedback creates belief.
That’s the loop.
5. The Three S’s — and why sequence is everything
Here’s the core model, clarified:
❌ How most people try to change
Strategy – “Tell me how”
Story – “Why it won’t work for me”
State – ignored
Result: No follow-through.
✅ The correct order (this is the vault code)
1️⃣ State (first, always)
Your physiology + emotion.
If your state is powerless, no strategy sticks.
That’s why:
movement
breath
posture
intensity
come first.
Change your state → you access different thoughts.
2️⃣ Story
Once state shifts, the story becomes flexible.
Stories are just rehearsed beliefs.
They feel permanent only because the body keeps recreating them.
Change state → story loosens.
3️⃣ Strategy (last)
Now strategy actually works.
Because you’ll execute it.
This is why weight loss, relationships, money — none of them fail for lack of information.
They fail because people try to think their way out of a physiological prison.
6. Pain vs pleasure — the honest math
You clocked this correctly:
~90% change through pain
~5–10% through inspiration
Why?
Because pain creates leverage.
It turns “should” into “must.”
But the people who master pleasure-based leverage?
They don’t wait to hit the wall.
They train state on purpose.
That’s mastery.
7. The unfinished sentence you ended on (and why it matters)
You stopped right here:
“Have you ever been pissed off at somebody, really angry… and suddenly you can remember everything?”
He’s pointing to this:
State controls access to memory, focus, and creativity.
Anger sharpens recall.
Fear narrows focus.
Joy broadens thinking.
Certainty drives action.
You don’t “lose your mind.”
You change states.
The quiet takeaway underneath all of this
Change is not:
more willpower
more information
more self-judgment
Change is:
Put your body in a powerful state → rewrite the story → apply the strategy.
Every breakthrough you’ve quoted follows that arc.
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