summarize, title, apply/interpret/integrate, " It was also interesting. There are people like, she cheated. That's unforgivable. If someone murders, we put them in jail. And I thought, this is interesting because if you're saying that, I know you've just been hurt in the past, but that hurt now is becoming a wall. And the wall using to protect yourself is the wall that imprisons you. And so, and other people use words like, you know, what if you're dealing with a narcissist? That's the newest word everybody loves to use to blame their partner for being selfish. How many of you have ever been selfish at moments even if you didn't mean to be in a relationship? Make some noise if you've ever done that. Once you label somebody, you destroy the relationship. And labeling is the fun thing because it feels so much better to make it about them than to look at ourselves. The only way a relationship transforms is when you take 100% responsibility for what's going on in your relationship, not 50%. When you do that, by the way, if you're in a relationship that isn't right and you keep giving and giving, there's a point, and we'll give you answers in this, where you can finally say, okay, I've gave everything to this. It's not the right relationship. You can make a change. But blame almost never works. So, I'd like to do some Q&A for you just real briefly. We'll take a couple of them because I know we've gone over on time. Who's up for some questions real quick? We'd like to do that. And then the Gold Card members, we'll do a special one for you afterwards and we're still going to do that. But I wanted you to meet the most important person in my life, the person who's touched my life more than any others. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Sage Robbins. Honey, it's together. And it's so beautiful to be with you all. I've had the privilege of watching and witnessing and experiencing just the culture and the community of love that's been cultivated here. And you're just all so gorgeous. Your willingness and your support of one another. It's love in action and it's our nature. And I'm so passionate about love. I get to love this man every day of my life. And our daughter's listening right now. Hi, honey. I love you. That's awesome. Well, we've been together 25 years, coming up 26 years now, Bob. What the heck? Never imagined. This little creature here, I took her and dragged her from her little hometown and all around the earth, and we've together been able to change and work with so many people's lives. I thought we'd just do a few questions. I know we've gone over our time, but maybe we can just do a couple on relationship. So if you've got a question, raise your hand and let's just have the camera people grab somebody. Grab somebody with their hand up. Let's bring them up. Okay, here we go. We got Demi here. Give it up for Demi. Hi, Demi, where are you in the world? I am in Denver, Colorado. Denver, Colorado, ladies and gentlemen! I hear it's warmer there than Florida right now. I don't know how that's possible, but that's what I've heard. It's crazy. So tell us what's your question, Demi. Yeah, so my question is, I am just getting ready to hit our five-year anniversary with my husband, which is super exciting. And I just wanna know how to keep that spark alive. I know there's all these rumors about the seven-year itch, or you just get stuck in a rut, and obviously life has been crazy for us. I mean, on top of finances, my husband has had some job difficulties, so at some times we're down to one income, and we're also navigating infertility right now. And so there's just a lot of emotions and things when I come home. It's just how do I navigate dealing with... With all of those feelings that are coming up on top of just trying to stay in this happy state in our marriage. Well, I'm gonna let Stacy do most of the talking because I've been talking all day and you've been hearing my point of view, so I wanna get yours. But one seed I'd plant with you is, you don't have to be happy every moment, but you do need to feel connected. Like, it's not always happy. Anybody thinks that's absurd. But meaningfulness is what people are looking for. Meaningfulness is raw and real and connected and caring. When someone isn't being blamed for the environment, blame is what starts to destroy a relationship when you're not experiencing what you want. That's why we taught you this little SOP technique because if you can start to train yourself to say, this is the sensations, the feelings, this is what I want, your partner has an opportunity to reciprocate, or you can ask them, what are you experiencing? And men, by the way, again, aren't usually used to talking about their emotions, but they can find the sensations, and there's only a list of five they can pick out which emotion it might be. But they do know usually, if they dig in, what they really want. So I think that's part of it, but what would you share, sweetheart? Yes, hi, hon, thanks. Hello, Demi, nice to meet you. We had, you know, life offers it to us all. You know, if we're human, everybody's the challenge or the context. We went through in our own relationship. It was a 20-year journey to have, over a 20-year journey to have our daughter. And there was numerous miscarriages and over time and over loss and disappointment of what life challenges that we started to navigate through the containership of our relationship. It taught me that the pain is, it's an opportunity to feel more, to become more intimate, to allow our hearts to be broken open to a greater, more authentic version of ourselves. That's what loss and pain and miscarriage really schooled me as a human and as a woman, Demi. So I really feel you, and I have compassion because I know that journey deeply. And I think it's powerful to know that in this containership, when two people are willing to... I'm gonna take responsibility for my experience of life, you know? And like Tony had mentioned, we drop blame and demonization and recognize that it's a gift. It's a gift to love. It's a gift to share love. And when we, you know, we all fall asleep and can do some lousy things in life and, you know, be harsh at times or be curt, but in this space, you know, who's ever willing to go first, it's like, you know, just tidying it up. Honey, do you know what? I wasn't my best self and I'm so sorry, and I've been scared and overwhelmed and thank you for just being with me because sometimes what happens is younger version of myself, I expected tone, you know, or I demanded him. And it's been my experience that we respond, men and women, respond differently from making a request or an invitation. And then we feel pulled to one another. And it's also being vulnerable. Yes. Like if you're aggressive, it's very hard because what's happening, men are pulled to feminine. I remember we had a woman who was in her late 70s and she was telling me, you know, men don't pay attention to me. I'm not attractive anymore. I've lost all these things. And so she'd hardened because of all the pain she'd been through, right? So when you're hard, it's interesting thing about men. You know, many women think men are jerks or whatever the case they are. They can be. So can women be at times, right? But we have this thing inside of us to, we're called to someone who's vulnerable. And I did a series of experiences where I won't bore you with the details, but afterwards she came, it was a multi-day seminar. And she came back the second week for the program. And she shared this experience and she looked totally different. Her face was so relaxed. She was beaming from ear to ear. And I said, what's happened to you in a week? She goes, well, I went to the airport and she said, I got totally overwhelmed. And normally I just gritted through and everything else. But at one moment, I literally just dropped my bags and I stood there and I started to tear up. And she said, five men, old and young, all started coming running to me. How can I help you? What's going on? That's what we're made of. But very often when you're not getting what you want or what you need, or even about your partner, you're just overwhelmed, there's a hard surface and there's no attraction to that hard surface. I don't mean attraction like sexual. I mean attraction to serve you. So your vulnerability... I saw it just a moment ago when Sage was talking that you could relate to something she's saying, your whole face changed, right? You got a little teary-eyed. I felt myself wanting to come through the screen and help you, right? How many men can relate to this out there? Make some noise, gentlemen, if you can, right? And so my wife, you know, she's overstates now. She's demanding, she's not demanding. But she's a source of intensity. Aggressive. You've been aggressive is more than demanding. She's the sweetest person I know and the most aggressive person as well. But she also has the capacity to do what we both do, which is, hey, can we start fresh? That wasn't my best self, or that had nothing to do with you, or honey, this is what's going on. And we sincerely apologize. And it's a race to get sane if either one of us... This happens a little now after 25 years. And this bullshit about seven-year itch, seven-year itch is you no longer are focused on giving, you're focused on getting. And then everything changes. And it's a transaction. Then it's not about love anymore. Then it's you did that, you did... It's all about blame and it's all about causation and all that BS. For us, it's been 26 years. I'm more attracted, more connected, more in love with this woman by far than when I first met her, and I thought I was head over heels more than I could ever be then. And there's no bullshit to that. But you have to renew it by constantly coming fresh. If you start labeling your partner, you start putting those... A narcissist, a jerk-off, it doesn't care. Whatever stories you tell, remember the stories control your life. So, I love what the couple said. If you watch them, she said, we need to change our narrative. He said, no, we need to change our love story.
Here’s a structured breakdown of your passage:
Title:
“Take Responsibility, Drop Blame, and Renew Love”
Summary:
The speaker explores the impact of blame and labeling in relationships, emphasizing that holding onto past hurt or labeling a partner (e.g., narcissist, selfish) creates walls that imprison oneself. True relationship transformation requires 100% personal responsibility. Meaningful connections come from vulnerability, empathy, and conscious communication, not from trying to control or fix the other person.
Through a live Q&A, they discuss maintaining intimacy over time, highlighting that happiness isn’t constant—but connection, raw emotion, and shared authenticity sustain love. They illustrate with personal experience: a 25+ year marriage built on vulnerability, accountability, and continual renewal of love, not on blame or transactional expectations. They stress that men and women respond differently to requests versus demands and that vulnerability draws support and deepens connection.
Key Insights / Interpretation:
Blame and Labels Destroy Relationships:
Holding grudges or labeling partners prevents growth. What feels protective (walls) actually imprisons emotional life.100% Responsibility Is Transformational:
Change begins internally. A relationship transforms only when each person owns their feelings, actions, and desires fully.Connection > Constant Happiness:
Long-term love thrives on authentic connection, not forced joy. Sharing vulnerability and being present is more important than appearing perfect.Vulnerability is Attractive and Healing:
Being open, soft, and honest invites support, intimacy, and attraction—not superficial or transactional engagement.Renew Love Constantly:
Love is dynamic. Avoid the “seven-year itch” trap by focusing on giving, not getting, and by rewriting your shared narrative continually.Pain and Challenges as Growth Opportunities:
Loss, disappointment, or difficulty in life can deepen intimacy when approached with responsibility, compassion, and love.
Application / Integration into Life:
Relationships: Stop labeling your partner; focus on your own feelings and needs first. Use vulnerability to foster intimacy.
Conflict Resolution: Replace blame with curiosity: “What am I experiencing, and what do I truly want?”
Self-Growth: Recognize that personal walls built from past hurt may block both giving and receiving love. Dismantle them.
Marriage / Long-Term Love: Renew the relationship actively—fresh apologies, honesty, and presence. Keep giving, not tallying who did what.
Daily Practice:
Pause before blaming.
Express sensations and desires clearly.
Apologize sincerely when needed.
Be vulnerable in small, consistent ways.
Rewrite your “love story” intentionally, not reactively.
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