I just saw someone's blog entitled "So-and-so's Picture of the Day. " What a great idea! I wanna make one too! But maybe less anonymous than this blog. Simply displaying images of my life doesn't seem as precarious as say, detailing my angst-ridden inner workings in narrative form.

Did i tell you i finally caved in/did it? A gym membership! Its right next door, and i can start anytime. Thought it was time for that little extra metabolic boost and toning. Afterall, can't hurt to have some muscleature (nice word) for more precise, powerful remote control and keyboard striking. Right?! Naw, D estimates i'm at the 50lb down mark and i estimate 50-70 to go before i'm a bonified hooooT-IE. Actually, i really intended to say "HOTTY" just then, but upon further reflection, perhaps "HOOTY" is more fitting anyway. Freud knows best.
....Anyway, what a strange universe that will be. I'll have no idea how to relate or get my bearings. Maybe i'll have to start a new blog, "My Strange Life As a Skinny Girl," as surely it'll be that foreign. As if i suddenly morphed into a bazarre alien body. And i imagine that's how i'll be treated.
Yipes.
I'm scared.

Yesterday the D'ster and myself drove an hour north into the rustic woods to join 20 of his closest relatives at his Uncle's birthday party. I already felt so out-of-place with my new-ish body. Its nice, but..........
odd.
That self-consciousness layered like a stinky sardine on top of my customary social awkwardness sandwich left me mostly sitting around wishing i could either sleep it off or stuff my face with salami and barbeque chip hors d'oeuvres in a nice dark corner somewhere. Instead, i sat still, averting eye contact during painfully elongated silences, and plastering my trusty plastic grin on my public crimson lips. If only i had a diet-popsicle for each time i've heard, "Are you always this quiet?" in my life. So what if i'm a good listener!? Is that a crime?!

But.....

I really do want his family to like me.....

::sigh:::

Generally, i bank on such displays of upturned lips to convince folks of my friendliness and goodwill. And for that matter, being fat has always come in handy too. I mean, think about it! How threatening can a roly-poly Campbell Soup Kid get?

Aren't those few extra pounds just lovable?! Or imagine, for a moment if you will the Stay Puft Marshmellow? Daunting demon?!

Ha! Or for that matter, how bout that Pillsbury Dough fella (R.I.P.). You know you can't deny, love handles and all, THOSE CHUBSTERS ARE CUTE!!

CUTE!! CUTE!!CUTE!!

Go ahead
POKE HIS 'LIL BELLY
................You know you want to.

But on the OTHER hand, how about skinny people? Yes they maybe admired (sortof) in a "i wish i was you and you were dead" kind of way, but you can't deny those little"you-better-stay-from-my-man-you-skinny-bitch-whore" in-between-the-line voices of contempt.

Come on.

I know you know what i'm talking about.

Need i say more?

Its a real delicate love-hate relationship, isn't it. We love to hate the people we love. We love to tear them down and make them the root of all evil. And skinny, beautiful women don't have it all easy. They intimidate people. They make people mad. They're assumed to be dummies. They're not supposed to be funny. And they definately lose friends.

So, what am i doing?! Oh no!

I think i'm gonna go see if there's still a box of twinkies still lying around. Just in case.