In The Zone - 5 Positive Steps

#1) I'm making good on my gym thang.
Yesterday i made my third visit and joined about 40 other sweaty ladies in a kickboxing class that KICKED my ASS, but felt awesome afterwords. The other couple visits i did about 45 minutes of cardio on machines and 1/2 hour of light weights. I plan to keep it up. I plan to get totally buffed out. I plan to become the healthy, strong woman i've always hoped to be. And i think it may just happen this time. Like, for reals. For reals, for reals.

#2) I emailed my teacher.
D reminded me of my teachers offer and asked when i'll take her up on it. Where is my mind? How can i lose sight of such vital things? Yes, it will be terrific timing; ever since i left her 6 years ago for Hawaii, i've intended to go back - but not until it was the right time. Until then, i didn't want to waste her time, she is afterall an important person and the art form sacred. It deserves full concentration. Full dedication and commitment. I wanted to be right; mentally, physically. I needed to clear my mind of some hangups and develop the ability to be disciplined. I wanted to be in good physical shape so i wouldn't dance half-assed or require lame accomodatons for inadquate physicality; not being able to bend far enough or keep up my foot rythms, for example. I needed to strengthen my sense of self to withstand her difficult to damaging personality quirks. And finally, i needed to have the resources to pay her and later rehearse.

I imagine she'll invite me to stay in her home. But a month seems a long time. Perhaps there will be a room available in her rental home with the dance floor. (The house i lived in before i escaped left the state.) It will be an honor. Not only because she is a master of the art, but because she has been like mother to me. And she is so busy! She teaches dance, is a fulltime professor, an author, lecturer, and political activist. Not to mention a wife who cooks gourment meals on a nightly basis. I've never known her to not be overextended and exhausted. Which leads me to yet another goal that i have for the trip. I'd like to help them with the things their insane schedules won't allow, household things, company things, organizing the sorely neglected vaults of priceless one-of-a-kind video footage that they've collected over the years. Thousands and thousands of tapes of students around the world and the greatest masters in the world, all just sitting, collecting dust. I can't wait to sit and pour through them; one after another, just soaking it all up into my bones.

I miss it. The exquisite music. The delicate costumes. The energy of performance. I miss it all. I miss working on a step; day after day, week after week until finally the rythm is lodged in muscle memory and can be executed without effort, as natural and commonplace as air. I miss the comraderie of rehearsing with other dancers. The rush that comes from waiting still backstage when that first hypnotic flute rings out into memerized air; followed by the thrill of the tabla, pattering away penetrating stories of love and passion. I miss the sensuality of this Dance of Love. I love summoning and embracing the beauty both the Tandava and Lasya aspects of myself and most especially channeling rasa (sentiment) during an abhinaya, or acting dance. Nryita is beautiful (pure dance), but it is the drama and beauty of the abinaya choreographies that truly captures me.

I'm getting myself all excited.
Let me stop.
One step at a time, right?! First i need to hit that gym and get myself ready. This will happen when i am ready.

Oh yeah, my list... where was i?....

#3) I started a kewl on-line Food/Exercise journal
I particularly like the nutritional breakdown of the foods u eat. How cool is that?! I'll be interested to see if any patterns develop whereby i might be neglecting some vitamin/minerals on a consistant basis. That would be illuminating. Not sure if i'll keep it up, but right now i have the time and interest, so why not. I made it public so if you wanna see it, lemme know and i'll send ut the address.

#4) I'm cookin it up buddy!
I dunno if the spirit of Julia Child has overtaken me or what, but suddenly, i'm a cook-a-holic-beast! Almost every night i'm doin the deed. Of course some dishes don't always turn out so great since each and every one is a science experiment of sorts. But i'm learning as i go along and enjoying the process. If i can get a "tasty" outa D, then i know something must have gone okay. Tonight i cooked fish and a non-fat mock non-potato pototo salad. Shhh.. Don't tell D that i used cauliflower instead!! heh heh.... It wasn't too bad actually... Got the recipe from my Dad who has become quite the gourmet himself since he retired. Its nice to see my Mom relieved of her lifetime of domestic duty since they seem to role reverse when she went back to work teaching first grade (after 20-some years.)

#5) Self administered Financial First Aid
Ever since i got those dastardly credit cards in college and sold my soul to the corporate devils by feeding into their abusive machine, i've been living in shame and anxiety regarding my debt. (That is, on the rare occasion i allow myself to think about it.) But now that its been over 10 years, i think i may be able to take a shot at resolving some of the crappy credit card baggage. I started by a)taking a deep breath b)ordering my credit report c)writing a letter of dispute regarding what i read and finally and d)applying for a secured credit card to begin rebuilding. And guess what! I got the card (the first one since the mess began a decade ago) and yesterday i received a letter stating 8 of the delinquent accounts will be removed from my report. Holy crap was i excited. Of course i have a long ways to go yet, but at least i'm willing/able to finally address it. To even LOOK at it has been a big accomplishment since the whole disaster has taken a heavy toll on me over the years.
CPR BUDDY!
YEAH!

Anyway, yay me. #6 will hopefully have something to do with getting a job or something...