kid 

"iam hungry".  vs.  there is hunger. 

never take anything away.  only add. thats what works. 

build, not subtract.  grow.  grow. grow. thoughts are overrated.  also not even required at all.    

Vinod. definitatin - correlations to venus?  my astrological chart.   message/sign.   "the veil is thin". aunt sharon.  

the Noelle blue lotus meditation .  significant. exciting. breakthrough. emotion releasing.  embracing. fullness. the heart.  feeling the wounded wound. expanding and nurturing.  expanding.  expansive. infinitely .  the bikram taps. 1 by 1 daily I am recording my ig live feeds from 2020.  they're beautiful.  its beautiful.  blessing to see tat me.  and using as a visualization practice to reconceptualize now.   thus designing future.  shaping. creating. growing. growing. growing.  

thats the core self.  the breath in the body doing movements . movements that are growing in all directions.   thoughts are layers on top of that. but not the self. they composite makes up a character.  which makes the personality/identiy/person.  so any time there is disturbance (anger frustrations stress resentment fear hatred - undesired), simply remember this and drop down in the core self.  

breath in body doing yoga. 

build from there. "a happy life" 

can't wait to read dr. mishra (bramanda Saraswati's books) 

did you give me suspicion to release me to work with my mother instead.  was it he right thing to do. was the ashram kicking me out. should I have fought for it.  to serve Bharati and myself. I was afraid. confused. hurt.  I could have ignored all of this and stayed the course.  but would that have been the correct decision.  how to decide a course. 

"What is this experience opening in me?" opening love.  opening to love.  accepting loss. welcoming love. 

idea:  ask Bharati for zoom sessions - Sanskrit, yoga sutras, upanishads, advaita vedanta, etc 

charka, narren tabla lessons, Deepak singing lessons, stages to rehearse, healthy food, no distractions. meditation, discourse, performances,