Egads

Sorry i haven't posted much lately. I just don't have much to say really. But, at least i've put some time into spiffying up the aesthetics here. This black background and gold print is the latest. It sure is time consuming to do when you don't know what you're doing!

Its getting down to the countdown which makes me a bit anxious. One final unemployment check and then i'll be cut off. The State of Hawaii says NO MORE FUNDAGE for Indigo.
I certainly can't complain. Its afforded me the greatest most relaxing rest of my adult life and perhaps made it possible for me to move out to New York to meet and live with Dave. What more could a person ask for?! Some people might begrudge me, but like my therapist said in her last email to me, "You worked your butt off and deserve a rest. Good for you." (That was reassuring.) Afterall, if anyone knows me, it would be her. Its touching that she still stays in touch with me although we've both moved onto new chapters of our lives. Her to Atlanta to finish her PhD and i to New York.

Its also the countdown for leaving to pursue dance for a month on the West Coast with my former teacher. I still have mixed feelings. Can i afford this? Is it the right time? Is it worth it? Am i fooling myself? Do i still love it as much as i used to? Is it practical? Would i forgive myself for not pursing it? Can i allow myself to not do it? Will Dave diapprove of me if i go?
I really need his support. I don't know if i can do it without him. I don't know if i'd want to actually.

::sigh::

I suppose its not much to worry about. I should relax and forget about it. Right?

But what will i do when i come back? What kind of job will i find? How will i start? What can i/do i want to do? How will i get there? I still have no idea how to get around. Its all so intimidating.
I'm nervous and afraid. (As usual) Big deal, what else is new?