Do I take the temporary job?

Some Pros and Cons:

- I'm angry & humiliated: I was introduced as his new "Executive Assistant" for the last few months: then suddenly I show up in another department?! AND have to APPLY for the new position?!

+ I need a job

+ It will pay the same amount (which is a rate I'm happy with)

- But only in the "TRANSITIONAL" period anyway - so what the fuck is that?

- I'd feel like I was giving in. Losing face. My dignity.

+ Who cares - its just a friggin job. Do I really think anyone really notices where me - let alone cares?

+Besides, its irrelevant what "people" think and realistically should have no bearing on this decision

- This position holds zero appeal to me. Independently I would have NEVER applied for it as it sounds dull, tedious, boring and stressful. Also, the department is an absolute disaster: understaffed and poorly run. I'd be dealing with livid students/parents/alum on a daily basis who have good reasons to be frustrated.

- Why go to all of the stress and frustration of learning a whole new job that a) I don't want and b) I may ultimately still not get?!?!?!

+I can accept it while looking for something else

-Send a message that you can't treat people like this by rejecting the new quasi "offer." If you accept the position, you assuage their sense of guilt (if any) and placate their rationalizing that they "did their part"

+Do they really give a shit either way? Very likely not.

- Could I sue them for real? Would accepting this "offer" lessen the credibility of such a case?

+ I doubt I could win such a thing and most especially lack the resources.


Help! What would you do? I need your suggestions.

I called the H.R. Director

and said basically all of the things we discussed, and although he didn't necessarily address my concerns: (that an agreement was violated, that I left a job for that agreement, that it has been a financial hardship to work only 2 days a week during this now unhonored "transitional phase") he nonetheless was nice and seemed genuinely sympathetic. He said that The President & his assistant ( my coworker who raved about me daily and referred to me
as "perfect" and herself as my biggest advocate) "had only good things to say" about me and just decided to hire someone else because they had more extensive experience in the same sort of position. He added that it was his idea to offer this other position because "once you find a good person you want to keep them" and that it will pay exactly the same amount in the
"transition" and he will find out (by my request) how much it will pay after. He suggested I at least try it out before deciding. Maybe it would end up a better position; "Assistant Director of Student Accounts" I don't know what I should do really, but I do feel very relieved that I've at least spoken up a bit. I said clearly that I was upset about the situation and uncomfortable
with how it happened. He said he appreciated my candor which may have been a line, but did sound pretty convincingly sincere which was nice. He also made a point to remind me that he was new and that most of this took place before he began at the college. Before calling I was shaking so bad and so nervous that I had to write myself notes about what I wanted to say, because I though I might blank out. So, calling was in some small way an accomplishment.
I'm supposed to call him tomorrow and tell him my decision. Now if I could only sue them and get a GIANT SETTLEMENT and most especially an apology I'd be GREAT!

hahaha

When I stand I swoon

and am inexplicably dizzy. Like being drunk without the alcohol. Yesterday I felt a rushing presence in my ears all day. I think I'm making this shit up because I have nothing better to do. Our kitchen is overflowing with garbage and cans and there's a pile of laundry as high as I am in the halkwat. I feel guilty for not doing cleaning up and yet I feel too much like shit to do it. I don't want The Cutie to be mad at me. In fact, he may be my biggest concern in regard to getting rejected by The President. I'm so scared that he may begin to believe I'm as worthless as I worry that I am. Afterall, the only me he knows is the crazy picture painted by blogging and then the barely employed cry-baby that I've been since having moved to New York. I want to be someone better. Someone he'll be proud of. I want to be the kickass wonder that I know I should.

Tired

but still laughing.

Trying to hold onto the person I thought I'd be.

Fearful of giving in.

Not quite so devestated now.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll be even better!  But where do I start again now?  More want ads?  Another clerical bullshit job?  I wish I had a better plan.

I would like not to "dwell"

but don't think that's realistically going to happen.  It takes just thinking of it and I start crying.  What did I do wrong?  I didn't do anything wrong!  Obviously he just didn't like my personality enough to keep me around.  But what was he basing the judgment on?  He never spoke more than a few words to me - rushing around stressed and angry and blustery.  It's not fair.  I deserved to stay there.  I worked so hard.  I did such a good job.  I did a GREAT job.  His Assistant (my coworker) LOVED me, she said she told him and the HR director, that i was "perfect" and an asset to the school.  So then...... what happened?   Did she betray me?

I'm



so





hurt.



We're going to a doggie meetup in a few minutes.  I don't want to anything.  I don't want to feel.  At least I haven't been using food to drown out the feelings.  For that I am feeling proud of myself.  I will get though this.  I think.  I want to turn it into something positive.    I'LL SHOW THEM!!  

I'm going to show them!!!  I'll come back and visit in my wildly sucessful new person, devastingly drop-dead gorgeous, glowing with joy, radiating confidance and driving a bad-ass  corvette.

Effers.

Its still sinking in

I didn't get my own job.

They took it away and gave it to someone else. Words can not begin to describe the frustration.

The anger.

The embarrassment.

The hurt.

The bewilderment.

I don't understand and there was no hint of an explanation offered. "We'd hate to lose such a talented and wonderful person," so a conciliatory position in the dysfunctional Bursar's office was offered. Oh and p.s. - its a temporary position but [cough, cough] you're invited to apply! How nice! How very considerate. After sticking it out for 5 months, leaving another to accept their offer, and putting all my hopes and efforts into it (working through lunches, staying late, volunteering, constantly going above and beyond.)

Thanks.

Thanks alot.

Now what.

Now what do I do? I needed that job. I wanted it too. How can they do this? How can they give it to me and then take it away? And with no explanation? Not even an apology. I don't understand. I don't understand it. What am I going to do.

Surreal Event

I had a terrible scare in the middle of last night. I thought for sure The Cutie was going into diabetic shock and was hallucinating when, at 3:30am, he suddenly jumped out of bed, stood straight up and began doing a cheer while moving his arms to his sides yelling out "READY??? OHHH KAYYYY!!!! I tried to talk to him but he wasn't making sense so I grabbed his testing kit (for his blood sugar) and wanted to just poke his finger and try to test him but I was so tired and so scared that I was shaking so bad I could barely hold it. When I came close to him - he wouldn't let me do it so then i was wondering if I might have to call 911 and have an ambulance come take him by force. I stuck a sugar tablet under his tongue and he smiled and chewed it while he was lying down, still mumbling incoherently. Then I stared at him for the next 4o minutes hoping he might "come too." Then I rustled him and he angrily told me to TURN OFF THE LIGHT ITS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT that HE WAS FINE!!!!! And so I became scared that I was bothering him and then debated if it was really safe to back off or not. (Was he in his right mind?) It seemed he was since he mentioned that his new medication gives him night terrors - so I assumed if he was able to remember all of that - that he must be ok enough to know whether or not his sugar was low. I left in the morning for work (I only have 2 days a week) still a little unsure and then as soon as I got to work absolutely PANICKED as I imagined him going into shock while i was gone. It would be all my fault! Why didn't I try to talk to him before I left? What was I thinking. I did actually leave the door unlocked purposely just in case I had to call an ambulance from work to come get him. But once I left (still groggy i guess from the sleepless night) THEN it hit me - how will I know how he is if i'm not there? Then I struggled and beat myself up about whether or not I should call - (Will he be mad if I wake him up? Will he think i'm making a big deal out of nothing? Will he resent my interference? Shouldn't i error on the side of caution when it's his life at stake? If he was going into shock, wouldn't it have already manifested hours and hours ago when i first suspected? could he have made direct eye contact with me before i left? Should i care if he's mad - the most important thing is his safety - anger will subside......)

Turns out, it seems he was sleep walking!

He said he used to sleep walk all the time as a kid! I told him -GEEZ - nice of you to tell me! I've never in my life witnessed a sleepwalker - and I must say - it was absolutely SPOOKY and horrible and unsettling. Maybe it was something about it being the dead of the night, the darkness, the eerie silence - he just seemed ... POSSESSED. I mean, there was my Cutie, but it wasn't The Cutie's mind. And I was alone with my important (seemingly) life and death decisions about the one person who means more to me then anyone on earth.

I'd say of the scariest things I've been through....

I've been a nervous wreck anyway the last couple weeks - this just ices the cake.

 You must speak to be heard. Silence assumes assent.

Is this a New York Thing?

The President hates people who "talk to slowly" and mocks them "Hurry it up!  Get it the point!  I asked 'how you are' but  I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO HEAR IT."  ...And he laughs at his own terrible cleverness.....

 

 

Message To Self:

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

10 Questions to Get You Moving

Very nice, I think.... Will have to try to remember this list....

 

10 Questions to Get You Moving
by Michele Caron

So many times we just feel stuck.  We have a task or situation
in our life, where we know something needs to be done, but we
just can't bring ourselves to take any action.

One of the most important things you can do in such situations
is…Anything!  Just getting moving can be the most important
thing.  It's just like the concept of inertia in physics.
Sometimes a lot of energy is required to start something moving,
but then once it is moving, it has momentum, and can carry on
without that much energy.

So, here are some questions you can pose to yourself that may
get you moving.  Not all of these will apply to all situations,
but I challenge you to use at least one of these on yourself in
an area where you feel stuck!

1.  What could be done such that I would never have to deal with
   this problem again?

2.  What are three ridiculously simple things I could do to make
   progress in this area?

3.  What if I didn't care one way or the other how this turns out,
   but just got it done because I already decided to, and then I
   wouldn't have to worry about it anymore?

4.  What if I just did it for *five* minutes, and if I don't like
   it, I can stop?

5.  How wonderful will it feel to have this finished?  What are
   the benefits for me?

6.  How can I break this down into smaller chunks?

7.  What is the nicest thing I can do for myself here?  Which is
   truly the better investment in myself and my future? Delay?
   Or get it done so I can really enjoy myself and reap the
   benefits?

8.  How much energy could I free up by getting this off my To Do
   list?

9.  What kind of person do I really want to be?  Will taking
   action on this bring me closer to that?  Then what am I
   waiting for???

10. What action could I take that would be a revolutionary
   advancement for me…Something that I or no one else would
   ever have guessed that I could do?

I hope that you try asking yourself some of these things
anywhere that you need to make some progress!

Copyright © Michele Caron, 2006

It just started snowing and

it's really coming down! 

 

I'm at my (temporary) work and as usual, have nothing to do since I'm only (now) a temp even though I was initially permanent before they changed their minds and decided suddenly that they needed to post the position promised to me 5+ months ago and that I quit another job for (that i hated.)  Regardless of that, I'd still only be here 2 days a week since I'm "job-sharing" with the woman who hasn't yet retired who I (was supposed) to replace after 3-5 months of transition time.  She's here Mon - Wed.  I'm here Thur, Friday ; Translation: not really at all.  (Her desk, her files, her stapler/pencil holder placement/calendar/etc.    Can the transience be any more impermanent?  If only I was buddhist....

 

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My head hurts and I feel bitchy. I have to go to work tomorrow and just feel disgusted. Tried to play my video game with The Cutie on-line and burst into tears after dying 4 times consecutively. In my mind kept thinking - can't I do anything right?!

Geez.

Even my posts have been lame. I'm not expressing myself the way I want to. I'm not telling my story. I'm not communicating what I want to say. The thoughts, the feelings. Maybe I am a nothing.

Wanna Hear Something Weird?

My lower lip is numb (on one side.)  Why, you ask?  I have no idea!  It was like that when I woke up!  It feels funny.

I haven't even looked at want-ads in over 3 days.

At all.

I think i've just maxed out maybe... Its just so sickening... Exhausting..... And disheartening... I've been looking for soooo so long.

No Enemies

Toward the end of the service, the minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" About 80% held up their hands. The minister then repeated the question and all responded by raising their hands except onel small, elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?", the minister asked. "I don't have any", she replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, that is indeed unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight" she replied. "Mrs. Jones, would you come down front and tell the congregation how a person can live for ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" The little lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, smiled sweetly and said, "I outlived the sons of bitches!"

Compelling Reasons to "Just Say No"

Did anyone happen to catch Whitney Houston's sad performance at the Olympics? I wish I could find a clip for you to hear. Or maybe if I had a heart, I wouldn't further her shame. As Wendy Williams so eloquently put it the other day on the radio,

"Wow."

What a waste.

Feeling peaceful

Even though my head hurts, it doesn't matter because I'm simply glad to not be at work. Did I tell you I've begun noticing I have WHITE HAIRS? Maybe the unstable, stressed state of mind is beginning to catch up with me. Poo.

This morning I'm drinking coffee and constructing emails, files and invitations to maintain my yahoo group. I created it a few years ago but have been more and more active which has led to a current membership of 170 afficiandos and some lively recent discussions! Being a conduit of communication is highly satisfying. It may seem lame-o, but at least its something for this otherwise pretty mundane life of mine...

Also went back to WOW this week with The Cutie, which serves me surprisingly well by turning my attention from eating and malaise. Sure it may be an escape, but then, what isn't? At least it's not inherently destructive. And on the plus side, its interative, engages the imagination and involves thinking!!!

Wanna play too? We can be on the same team together!

We also watched a couple programs taped on TIVO: The Dog Whisperer and Family Guy - two of our favorite shows.

Me.

Are You the Invisible Employee?

By Jo Miller, Women's Leadership Coach

Nicole Moretti* had been an accounting manager for eight years. Nicole was consistently praised by her superiors for her expertise, work ethic and the high quality of her work. Nonetheless, these qualities were not enough to get this manager the respect she deserved.

In meetings, senior executives directed their questions to less experienced employees. She had heard more than once that she was considered to be more junior than the other managers at her level.  She realized she had a credibility problem. She felt that her colleagues and superiors did not take her seriously. In her own words, she was "invisible."

Moretti realized that although she was performing at the level of a senior manger, she was not projecting a solid presence as a seasoned, mature leader. To overcome this obstacle, Moretti set a goal of strengthening her reputation as a credible, authoritative manager and embarked on a step-by-step approach to reinventing herself and polishing up her image.

Enlist an Observer
First, she recruited the help of a trusted mentor and coach. In confidential meetings, the mentor observed Moretti's body language and communication style, and noticed certain patterns that undermined her authority. Moretti asked her mentor not to hold back and to give specific, forthright feedback.

Facets of Presence
Moretti and her coach determined what qualities defined a positive corporate presence:

·  Body language -- No matter how knowledgeable you are, if your posture doesn't reflect confidence, you will not command respect.

·  Vocal tone and pace -- Maintain an even tone of voice, with a low pitch and resist the temptation to speak faster when feeling flustered.

·  Grammar and language -- Be concise and economical with words. Using filler words like 'I mean', 'you know' and 'I think' will weaken your authority.

·  Professional attire -- Wear business suits and dresses that reflect your corporate style and good taste.

·  Appropriate use of laughter and humor -- Avoid the habit of giggling when nervous or uncomfortable. A person who constantly smiles and laughs unnecessarily is less likely to be trusted in serious situations.

Identify Habits That Undermine
During the following week, the coach observed Moretti and evaluated how she stacked up in each of these categories. Moretti was surprised to discover that she had fallen into some bad habits that made her look and sound far younger than her years.

Moretti realized that her stance was often too casual, and instead of confidence, she often conveyed nervousness. Under stress, Moretti's voice rose in pitch and she talked faster than usual, showing that she was flustered. Even when she knew what she was talking about, Moretti gave the impression that she was unsure of her facts. She would often giggle after making a statement, and she had a bad habit of saying she was sorry, even when she was not at fault. She wore outfits that were fashionable and cute, whereas her male associates dressed in the more conservative dress of corporate America. Through all these actions, she had trained people to see her as the junior team member. 

Reinvent Your Leadership Presence
Moretti challenged herself to make subtle changes. With the help of her coach, she learned how to correct her bad habits and to dress more appropriately. Within one month she was visibly emitting a more confident, mature presence and gaining the respect she deserved. Moretti succeeded in acquiring the behaviors that underscore her authority without giving up her natural style and persona. She learned to express herself as the accomplished businesswoman that she is.

Changing verbal and nonverbal habits is not always easy, but refining your leadership presence will win respect and credibility, and will fast-track your career.

*Not her real name.


Jo Miller is the Women's Leadership Coach. Visit www.jomiller.net to find out more about Jo's leadership coaching programs. Ask about a complimentary leadership coaching session!