I could have pushed.

 a shred. an ant's breath away.  

I could have pushed.  that didn't really occur to me though. not consciously.  my pre-loaded programming  [ocluded?] that potentiality.   the 1% fear out of the 99% certainty of a 30 year dream stepping forward and dominating the heart.   culture: 1   spirit: 0. 

damn.  

again? 

ok . but getting closer. have to admit.  damn close.  and I already see that now.  within 1 day.  distraught to humble to insight.  generation to fruition (insight, not the RV van) within 48 hours.  (saw the FB post in the evening, drove down in the morning, secured funding that was "dependent" on a condition (parking), pursued possible solution, devastated, realization, i didn't ask for funding regardless.  I didn't ask. it didn't occur to me I wasn't asking.  well, it did. but I the missing insight was the protection / lack of accountability/ fear motivated avoidance was benefiting by not asking, while holding a faux belief that it was polite and right and appropriate.  that it was conditioning.  not fierce fight. not having 

A VOICE. 

I have an idea. 

writing here again. 

like this.