Shit. I'm not asleep yet. What the hell is my problem. Always unsatisfied. Looking for a fix. A fix that fixes me. But it doesn't come and i continue muddling around in the dumbness.

Why did I do that on-line dating ad. That was so stupid. Now I have random people wanting to chat at 1:30 in the morning about nothing. It irritates me. But then, I guess I need to be wanted. Right? It feels me with some perverse satisfaction regardless of my disdain for the individual. I'm using them to feel loved. Meeting them in real life has become quite a terrifying experience, I've been noticing. Perhaps I should slow down. But oh its so seductively tempting. Maybe I'll meet someone exactly right who'll make me feel exactly right. Ha HA HAAAAA