I am so tired. Its 12:30am and I need to sleep but I need to check in with this new adventure into blogland. I don't want to miss anything. It was an unusually interesting and as to how to entertain myself today. (Okay, every day.) So, I went home, showered, and combed the knots out of my hair. Then I stopped by the health-nut store and picked up some warm eggplant Parmesan stuff, a salad with green goddess dressing and oh yeah a creamy vegetable stuffed potato, oh yeah and a fruit leather thing. Now I feel sick as a dog which seems to be my pattern lately. Stuffing the void, the emptiness with food. Does it work? Pretty much but boy do I feel like shit afterwards. No wonder I weigh 5,000 pounds. Will I ever be able to let go of that nasty coping mechanism? I doubt it. I think I will be condemned to misery for evermore, mainly because I feel fundamentally worthless and believe on deep level that I don't deserve more. I sound pretty cheerful, don't I? It's so ironic, because of all optimistic, happy-go-lucky people you may know, I would be the cheeriest. I imagine few people whom I run across would ever suspect the level of my despair. How many others are there out there? High-functioning, "happy" individuals, living a lie, beneath a plastic facade of social appropriateness. I mean, no one ever likes to spend time around someone who's all "doom and gloom", right? So, consequently, it's a necessity to hide. That is, unless you truly want NO human companionship. Ah. We humans are so fragile. I'm getting tired now. I think I will take a nap. I hope it doesn't turn into another 5 or 10 hour one though, that really makes me feel like shit. I hate that.

With love,

Indigo