that I'm afraid I may be becoming or am depressed after it occurred to me that the shower I just took shouldn't necessarily be considered a momentous achievement, although it felt like it was. He fiddled with papers on his desk as the uncontrollable somber rain began to pour. Stupid Stupid Stupid! What was was my problem? "I don't even have reason to be upset!" I protested. Luckily, the threat of a visit from his relatives that afternoon forced us off of the couch and into full fledged panic-cleaning mode. And it was a good thing because although they didn't arrive until the evening for a much too short visit, we were left with a tidy, sweet smelling, neat little studio. Plus I got to take another drive to exchange the Small Flashypants for a Medium. (And snuck in a Frappachino to boot.) So then, am I really depressed if I feel ok 3 hours later? I don't know. Not that it matters, I couldn't afford therapy or drugs even if I wanted them. But, I DID keep my journal for most of yesterday which I feel good about. Raising consciousness is a powerful bitch! I think it will help.
8:16am, have to leave for work in a few minutes. I so am dreading it as I've begun to liken it to working at the Group Home in my mind. It has that feel to it - constant crisis, unpredictable moods, meltdowns, and generalized instability. A pervading since of fear and tension.
PS: Thank you for your email Wombat Wol. Although I've been too lethargic to respond, I find myself reflecting on it often. It was very kind of you.
2 comments:
You don't sound depressed, you sound pretty happy. I guess you're just scared you'll become depressed again? That's normal, I think, but don't worry :) I'm sure everything's OK and you probably just think too much (I'm guilty of that too :P)
:)
-tatatee
Maybe so. That's highly possible. Just fretting too much about normal feelings maybe. I don't know. How do you know?
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