I don't care.

I didn't get here (work) until 4:00pm because I spent 2 1/2 hours
looking for The Cutie's Mom's workplace to drop off the cell phone she
left in our (The Cutie's) car on the way to Virgina. I normally would
try to enjoy myself even if I am lost - discovering new places and
things - exploring New York's chinatown, but I didn't really. I don't
know why. The heat? The sore legs and feet? The hunger? A
pressing need to pee? I doubt it. Worried about getting to work too
late? Please. The bossman here could care less what time I come it.
But just to allay my raising anxiety level, I called to check in.
And guess what, he could care less. So why the escalated anxiety
level? What was my problem? I have a fear of turning into another
highstrung nasty NY stressball. I fear losing me. The original me -
the one that was happy and cheerful and kind.

The bossman has gone home. As soon as he left at 6 I began to surf
blogs and still can't seem to reel myself back in. It's 7pm and I
need to stay to 8 to make the required 4 hours of work a day but I
CAN'T MAKE MYSELF CARE ENOUGH TO WORK.

Confessional: I'm contemplating leaving early. But that's wrong. I
would feel awful.

I guess I could just make up an hour tomorrow or something.

God.

Where is ability to motivate myself?