Fasting

I think its time. Bloated and poofy. Distended belly alarmed me last night. The heaviness weighing down.   Mentally. Moving slower. Mood - not so great.  Old dusty gray depression cobwebs creeping dangerously close.  Looming threateningly overhead.   

The good news though,  is that i now have this amazing tool readily available at my disposal.  This is what I can't forget.  And not only that - the simplest solution possible.  So simple - it doesn't even require action. As a matter of fact - that's the crux.  No action!  No food!  No nothing!  Who could have imagined what a huge life changing fact.  

Day 1? 

Maybe?

I'm not 100% sure. 

I think so?  

Let me see. 

Seems like a good idea. 

But... 

?

Not 100% sure?

Thinking about it.   Just today?  10 days?  Every other day?   Not at all?   I feel like I need to decide and make a plan. But... 

? 

Can I really do it again? 

I'm hungry. I'm sad.  I'm still feeling off.  Grieving the loss of my friend.  Grieving the loss of support from mm.  Grieving the loss of momentum of my new cp.   Can I come back?  I know that I can.   

Right? 

Yes? 

Of course. but. 

. 

......

what are the steps.  what's first. what are the priorities. how do i not feel like a piece of shit.  (do i need to not feel like a piece of shit in order to start?)  .... seems like a chicken or the egg situation.  I feel like i have to just keep plotting ahead, and the belief and mood and positivity will grow like watering a garden.  

i think i need some plants. 

love this. being here again.