This is where I am most fully myself. I show my ugliness. My despair. Shame. And most especially, my unlimited self-absorption. I try to write as I think. Unedited and unsophisticated. Complete with suspect vocab and disregard for writing convention (spelling and such). Almost no editing.
And I like this?
What would be the impact of behaving this way in "real life"? What if, for example, I wrote not as an anonymous entity, but as me, as I am known in the world. Which ironically, is probably far less me then I am here, where my "identity" is not known.
I think about this allot.
Allot.
I want all of these disparate selves to come together. ~A reunification of personalities. My administrator/leader hat, my comedian hat, my disgusting inappropriate fart joke self, my loving, philosophical, good friend counselor hat, my superficial glamour self, my hippie no-shower taking fuck-the-world-i-want-revolution self, my pensive, loud, annoying, over-accomodating, look-at-me, self-deprecation self. I want it all. Can I have that? Who will be my audience? Who will understand? Love me? Believe me? Are labels necessary for understanding? What would that really look like. Would my label be, "eccentric"? Worse? Would I be trusted?
Borderline personality. Multiple personality disorder. Crazy. We have to pick. Why?
Leonardo Da Vinci. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. No one told him he couldn't be all things. Explore all places. Pursue all his dreams. Or maybe they did? I actually have no idea - but, I'd like to know more. Who are the Leondard Da Vinci s now? Big and small. I would like to know about their experience in the world. How does it work? Is there resistance to their way of being in the world, and if so, how do they negotiate that?
And I like this?
What would be the impact of behaving this way in "real life"? What if, for example, I wrote not as an anonymous entity, but as me, as I am known in the world. Which ironically, is probably far less me then I am here, where my "identity" is not known.
I think about this allot.
Allot.
I want all of these disparate selves to come together. ~A reunification of personalities. My administrator/leader hat, my comedian hat, my disgusting inappropriate fart joke self, my loving, philosophical, good friend counselor hat, my superficial glamour self, my hippie no-shower taking fuck-the-world-i-want-revolution self, my pensive, loud, annoying, over-accomodating, look-at-me, self-deprecation self. I want it all. Can I have that? Who will be my audience? Who will understand? Love me? Believe me? Are labels necessary for understanding? What would that really look like. Would my label be, "eccentric"? Worse? Would I be trusted?
Borderline personality. Multiple personality disorder. Crazy. We have to pick. Why?
Leonardo Da Vinci. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. No one told him he couldn't be all things. Explore all places. Pursue all his dreams. Or maybe they did? I actually have no idea - but, I'd like to know more. Who are the Leondard Da Vinci s now? Big and small. I would like to know about their experience in the world. How does it work? Is there resistance to their way of being in the world, and if so, how do they negotiate that?
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