Encouragement From a Friend [emails]

Thu, Jan 17, 2013 at 4:39 PM

from: V

to: indigo

subject: KUDOS

I am so happy for you that you asked him to take over his own phone bill. Indigo that is awesome and amazing of you.   I am so happy for you. It is so wonderful that you mustered up the courage. Good for you babe.

Thu, Jan 17, 2013 at 7:43 PM

from: indigo

to: v

awwww... THANKS!!! That's sweet of you.  It just had

to be done?   Enough is enough?   I don't have the money?

And besides that, it's not really "right"....  :)

Got a call for a position xxx downtown NYC.  Here we go again!

Meanwhile, I've made good progress on my "biz" ideas

the past few days!   It's a race to the finish!

Thu, Jan 17, 2013 at 7:50 PM

from: V

to: indigo

I need the details on your request! How did you do it? And how did you get to the place where you could do it?

I love hearing that you get interviews. It makes me feel good about my resume? Even though I know you don't want these jobs. 

I just feel like if you did want these jobs: you would get the positions.

When I'm done with my Smith application and signed my lease and moved--let's meet up!  

Thu, Jan 17, 2013 at 8:17 PM

from: indigo

to: v

Admittedly, I made a couple "mistakes" on the JJ interview - but, I didn't think they where necessarily catastrophic?  The other one, I don't know?  I thought I was being "me"?  I even thought there had been some great moments?  So, it's weird and worrisome and disconcerting.  There could be something wrong with 1)me 2)my presentation 3) or it's random.   But, my track record is starting to be unfavorable.  So, I don't know?????????????????????????????? 

Just trying hard the past few days to "keep going" and "not give up" and I got back to work on my websites, and social media connections, and brainstorming, and such, and then that gave me the momentum I needed maybe that extended to being able to ask him ?   I also, somehow, managed to call unemployment today, which I have been neglecting for weeks (and weeks?), because it felt so horrible and daunting and I was afraid.  It was hard.    Also.... I think the root of my ability to "move forward" has been a perspective of forgiveness.  When I forgive myself, and I have more compassion for myself, I feel more capable and emotionally able to take "steps".  Instead of berating myself for being so lame/pathetic/useless, I mentally reward myself for ANY sort of effort.... I'm setting the barre so low so I can experience ANY semblance of "succeed"....  And now that I think about it, that's how I first lost weight....  A) I had to start with forgiveness and self-compassion .... and B) I had to set the bar so low that I could feel success - which was the part where my goal was to simply put on my shoes and STAND on the treadmill.. 

OH!  ALSO, I did laundry a few days ago.  I can't actually tell you how long it's been sitting there mocking me?  It was a desperate situation.  I was contemplating buying more underwear to accommodate it. 

I guess last, (now that I'm thinking about it), I think and sort of SOCIAL human being related interaction give mes a huge JOLT of GOOD FEELINGS and enthusiasm and motivation and COMFORT.  The dinner was helpful.  Also, a few times with my buddy's Mom.  Our chats are nice.  A phone conversation with L.  They all make me feel more human?  And "ok"?  And even capable? 

Just brainstorming....

What's going on with you today?  Smith updates?  Work updates? Apt updates?  Mental health updates?  Fitness updates?  Food updates? Hair updates?  :))

Thu, Jan 17, 2013 at 10:05 PM

from: V

to: indigo

I don't know if you are really grasping how competitive these positions really are and that it is amazing that you are even getting an interview b/c you usually have to know someone in order to get your foot in the door so that is really great. I'm psyched the resume has worked. 

You don't really want these jobs anyway b/c you feel and they are boring and not creative as well as rather a step down and you don't like "playing the game" and you are not a good bullshitter or liar as you have said and you are not passionate about any aspect of the work---not good ingredients for an interview? LOL. Do you know how far this new one is? DUDE.  

Good that going out and communicating with folks gets you motivated and that you are doing more of it. Really important and so really good to remember. 

Too tired to write more chica---later.