Tired. Satisifed. Stoked.

It's 1:20am and i've just let myself into my folks home. They're sound asleep as i would like to be. However, i am debating whether i should leave again to go get contact solution. I'm leaning towards not, since i'm afraid the loud garage door may wake them. (Again?) When i called them this afternoon to make sure it was okay to arrive so late, they said the door doesn't wake them, but i'm not sure that that's the truth. Maybe they were just being nice? My Mom has to work early in the morning, and my Dad is a light sleeper. (And cranky) ...On the other hand, i've been wearing these things for like 2-3 days. Which is baaad. I don't want to get unpleasant chalizons again like a did years ago likely due to the same sort of neglect.

That sucked.

To get rid of them, (the chalizions,) it required slicing up the ol' eyeballs (which,um, kinda hurt) and they oozed nasty bloody goo for days while i was blinded by two soggied eye patches. That was probably the most vulnerable i've ever felt. For 2 days i sat alone and still on my couch - disoriented and hungry, crying lonely stinging tears. You should try being blind for 48 hours (by yourself.) It's a real trip, that's for sure. I learned alot: like just how isolated i really was, how sad that made me, how much i hated to depend on people, how i couldn't ask for help, and how much i liked to see!
Anyway.

I'm going home.
A special, real home because Cutie wants me to feel comfortable and so painted the/his/our walls. He also was going to print our photos and hang them before i got back until junklifedakine interferred. That's okay. It's still a very sweet gesture. It makes me feel great. It makes me happy.

Thankyou Cutie!!!

Regardless of recent whining, I'm feeling very grateful for this whole experience. Regardless of my friends' and Guru's shortcomings, i feel extremely grateful that i am allowed to be in their lives. Regardless of nervewracking emails with the Cutie, i'm grateful that despite his pain and frustrations he continues to put effort into making things work. That's alot of gifts for one person to receive.

I am lucky.

Very very lucky.

Today was predictably a crazy, busy final day. Lots of scampering about gathering things, video-ing Eimaj dancing, copying music (shhhh. don't tell), dropping off presents, saying goodbyes, adding up what i owed the Guru, packing (sorta) - well, really i just threw everything into the backseat and passenger seat of the car. I figured i'd do the serious packing tomorrow while here at the parents'. I think i accumlated so much dnc related materials that i'll need to buy a second suitcase. I'm particularly stoked about all the cool books i picked up. Like this one!!!
(The Guru showed me her impressive copy signed first by the suject and later the author who playfully complained to her about the prescence of his signature, "Hey! It's MY book!" I amazed me how the Guru knows these people personally. I bet its valuable .) And also some rather academic ones that won't be as fun, but are necessary to my studies and will come in handy to use as a reference tools. So, that's cool too.

The Guru gave me one of her costumes. I am so honored. These costumes are impossible to buy/have made outside of India and i have never owned one before. When i used to perform alot, i'd simply borrow one from the School then have to give it back each time. Now i have my very own beautiful purple silk costume. And most especially, it was passed on by my Guru! That's gotta be good energy, right?! Wow. I am so excited. I also picked up the bells, jewlery, music and makeup necessary for a complete performance outfit I'm totally ready to go! Oh yeah, and The Guru also gifted me with some cute little sparkely stick-on bndis authentic eye khl. awwwwwwww.. So sweet! Now what i must do is continue working. Not give up. Stay connected. Keep learning. Maintain motivation and believe in myself. I hope to fly the Guru out in November for her to give a workshop. Perhaps i can return for another visit in 4 months as Eimaj suggested. And if i continued at that rate, that would be 3 months a year. It seems significant! Like a realistic way to stay in form. (As long as i continued on my own.)

I don't know.

What do you think?

If it wasn't for The Cutie's suggestion that i inquire about a return trip NOW in the midst of my current visit, i'm quite certain i never would have done it. It was both an excellent suggestion and highly supportive. It gave me permission to continue and a path to make it happen. Gotta love Capricorns. What would a scattered Scorpio do without them?