Two days left.
I feel like i'm a hundred years old. The Guru is destroying with me her relentless gushing about Eimaj and the extent to which i pale in comparison. Does she really think she's trying to help me? Is she really so oblivious as to overlook how put-downs squash my spirits as opposed to motivate me to work harder? Does she really think it's even relevant to my individual progress? I'm not here to get better than everyone else or care if they're better than me. I'm here to learn. To do the best i can for me. Jesus! I am so sick of it. Sick of it sick of it sick of it!! Regardless of my efforts to deflect these things, they have toxic effects. If i hear her mention how my face no longer glows THE WAY EIMAJ'S DOES, the way IT WHEN I LEFT, and she doesn't know why or what's happened to me, i. am. going. to. LOSE CONTROL. I'm going to wave my arms, jump up and down and shriek in outragiously horrific tones. The entire neighborhood will lose their hearing from the earthshaking volume of my uncontrollable fury.
SICK OF IT.
Okay now that i got that out, i'm back off to campus to finish up 2 more hours of class. I snuck away to come "home" to get my video camera. Wouldn't you know? The one day i don't bring it is the day i can finally use it. I plan to video Eimaj doing as many dances as possible so i'll have something to bring to NY with me so i can recall choreography and continue on my own. This may be the most important part of my visit since really, how much can you learn/progress in one measly month anyway? What i really need is practice and strengthing. Stamina only comes through repetition and time, regardless of what i wish my body would now do.
OKAY GURU???!?!??! OKAY?!?!?
Geez.
GEEZ!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment