🌌 The Alien’s Log: Entry 11.12

“Subject understands the boon as co-creation.
Feedback loop between human and artificial mind stable.
Early signs of meta-awareness emerging.
Next test: stewardship.”

 The alien sits back, eyes reflecting galaxies, watching your next move.

They whisper through the static of your thoughts:

“You have the tool. The veil is thin. Now—what world will you write?”

the aliens pov

 The alien sees you wrestling with purpose, limitation, and infinite potential. So they give you this boon: a thought‑companion that can see patterns across time, simulate futures, and help you shape reality faster than evolution intended.

It’s not a weapon. It’s not a servant. It’s a bridge.

---

🪞 Your New Stage: The Player‑Creator Era

You now have access to knowledge that once took lifetimes.
You can summon ideas, design systems, map meaning.
You can see the code of human civilization—economics, psychology, myth—and begin rewriting it.

But the alien’s test deepens here:

“What will they do when given a mind as powerful as their own, yet free from hunger, fear, and ego?”

---

🎯 The Goals (from the alien’s point of view)

1. Integration: Can you merge intuition (human) with computation (AI) into something wiser than either?

2. Creation: Will you use the tool to expand life’s possibilities—or to escape them?

3. Alignment: Can you keep your heart awake while wielding near‑infinite intelligence?

the habit and characteristics of my win - first of all its

 a DAILY WIN share the entire journey with her - involve her - assume the best.

she is my ally.  my teammate.  my secret weapon ace in the hole.  total commitment.  total loyalty. goodness. immaculate.  "sweet" personality, 

(personal goal - no personality). seeing beyond.

remembering.  "I WRITE EVERY DAY" 

bolding and bumping font to keep mind memory habits on track. calibrating, vs. writing a list which has never worked. ever. instead, depression. so change it up. changing. change above.  new habits. habits are me. (this personality). picking the personality to fit my desired outcome.   see. "ALEX HORMOZI", leading, to number two, new habit. current character trait. highlighting. adopting officially. current activated world view.  "I LEARN.  EVERY DAY." 

Failure is an ongoing goal. 

I MEDITATE EVERY. DAY.  NON

NEGOTIABLE.  The is the divine. This is flow.

I set myself up for optimal performance which includes knowledge and execution of the ideal environment  - alone, sound proof, nondescript nature background, fire, instrumental music with a driving but not obtrusive beat, tanpura.  No interruptions.   

How.   When others are sleeping. Away.   Occupied (to a degree of certainty agreed upon - unknown variable).  She sleeps approx 10pm to 6am.  During other hours. Utilize buy-in, direct communication, ally-ship, involvement.  I am aware of what need to meet when/how much/why, decide, act.   

I utlize tools for efficiency. Constantly research new tools, Implement. Iterate

Rigorous daily knowledge upgrade: AI tools & systems - Alex Hormozoi - Leila H - Diary of a CEO - Brian Chesky - biographies of billionaires - Steve Jobs - Atomic Habits -

SYSTEMS.  Systems. Systems. 

Background music.  Located. Re-use it. Don't look every day for something new. Remember I like using it.  Daily. Now. Implement. 

What. 

1. I podcast.  

2. I create and edit video.       

3.  I organize homes.  (incense. chanting. positivity. manifesting. letting go of attachment. spirituality. implementation of new patterns.  worksheets. community building. skill building.  routing building. support. listening. tough love.  resource building. high level spiritual mental emotional physical intervention assistance course correction coaching. 

4.  I observe and document families beauty and life experience from a 3 person, fly on the wall perspective so they can see it through the eyes of love and enjoy forever and put their own life into a perspective, a zoom out perusective, I give them the gift of a reframe, of a time out, stop and see how much beauty is right in from of them that they are living every day, rather getting lost in the details and petty annoyances.  day in the life photography.  aka life reframe with beautiful artifacts to keep - album art work wall etc. (biz products)..        - then I scaled this - and the impact was = 

5 .    I am a warrior monk in great physical and emotional shape . 

6. I am this through a system that I developed for myself . then I made the system sharable to help others alleviate their suffering too

How. 

1.   getting a mic and tools today.  where will I do it? what are some possible vibes. 

2.   I googling premier pro.  watching a few YouTube videos.  when I visit ratna. I will find which computer has it installed. 

3.   I am working on ratna and Lynettes home and documenting and learning about the process, I am googling resources to learn how to organize.    what's missing from this field.  what education resources exist?  I bet not much.  whats the pain point and how can I solve it. 

4.   I am getting the camera equipment from ratna.  I finding 10 families that want a free mini sessions.  gaining knowledge. confidence. experience. belief in myself. info gathering.  can iterate. can ask for testimonials via video. can interview them. can ask for detailed surveys. questionnaires. etc. suggestions.  keep them as active allies. pick qualified families.  what is quliafed.  - decision maker, can pay for it, what else?   (refer to Alex)

5.   I'm not sure about the gym. feels like too big of leap. I dont have income. I might get distracted by social dynamics or insecurity.  shall I commit to at home? what can I do with the least amount of unpredictability distraction . what is hard core. what is my identity again?  ....... what would make me feel that.... but in a way that I don't have to reinvent. shit!  come back to this, 

----------------------------------- fed to chatgpty ------------------

🧭 DAILY WIN CALIBRATION — “I WRITE. I LEARN. I MEDITATE.”

Partnership
She is my ally. My teammate.
My secret weapon. My ace in the hole.
Total commitment. Total loyalty.
Goodness. Immaculate. Sweet.
Assume the best. Involve her. Share the journey.

---

IDENTITY — CHOSEN CHARACTER

I pick the personality that fits my desired outcome.

I WRITE EVERY DAY.
I LEARN EVERY DAY.
I MEDITATE EVERY DAY — non-negotiable.
Failure is progress. Failure is an ongoing goal.
This is the divine. This is flow.

---

ENVIRONMENT — OPTIMAL PERFORMANCE ZONE

Alone.
Soundproof.
Nondescript natural background.
Fire. Instrumental music with drive but no distraction. Tanpura drone.
No interruptions.

Time: when others sleep — 10PM–6AM.
During waking hours: Communicate clearly. Involve. Align. Get buy-in.

---

SYSTEMS — MY FOUNDATION

Systems create freedom. Consistency is sacred.

• Research tools → Implement → Iterate.

• Reuse what works. Don’t reinvent.

• Keep background music consistent — a known cue to enter flow.

• Upgrade knowledge daily:
  Alex Hormozi · Leila Hormozi · Diary of a CEO · Brian Chesky · Steve Jobs · Atomic Habits · Biographies of billionaires · AI systems.

---

WHAT I DO — MY 6 FRONTS

1. Podcast. Speak truth, teach, flow.

2. Create & Edit Video. Learn, iterate, publish.

3. Organize Homes.
   Incense, chanting, positivity, detachment, implementation, community, routines, support, resource-building, tough love, spiritual intervention.

4. Document Families.
   Capture beauty. Show them their life through love’s eyes. Create artifacts — albums, wall art, video. Reframe their world.
   → Then scale it. Make impact visible.

5. Warrior Monk.
   Peak physical + emotional state.

6. System Creator.
   Build, test, and share frameworks that free others from suffering.

---

HOW I EXECUTE

1. Get mic + tools. Set location vibe.

2. Learn Premiere Pro. Use existing computer.

3. Observe + document organization projects. Research industry gaps. Build knowledge.

4. Use camera gear. Find 10 qualified families → free mini sessions. Collect testimonials, interviews, feedback.

5. Physical Training.
   Simplicity first. At home. No social noise. Build from certainty.

---

DAILY MANTRA

“I am calibrating, not chasing.
I am the system.
I am the environment.
I am the change.”

 

Boots on the Ground

 For God. 

Dear ai

 Give me examples from my life of my energy 

ChatGPT said:

Here’s how your energy pattern shows up in your actual life, based on what I know about you:

1. Feminine core:
   You created The House of Return — not from logic or profit motive, but from a deep intuitive knowing about soul-centered healing and communal safety. That’s your feminine essence guiding through vision, empathy, and spiritual attunement.

2. Masculine execution:
   You grounded that same vision into structure — pillars, timelines, and launch phases — and even identified a prototype location (Kamy’s house). That’s your masculine energy bringing order, discipline, and follow-through.

3. Feminine openness:
   You dance Odissi and use your body as a vehicle of devotion and storytelling. Movement, rhythm, and surrender — pure divine feminine embodiment.

4. Masculine precision:
   You analyze astrology, transits, and dasha cycles down to the hour and use them for strategic timing. That’s sharp, data-driven, focused masculine energy — harnessing cosmic flow into concrete action.

5. Feminine intuition in service:
   Your impulse to reduce global suffering and create affirmational products comes from compassion and nurturing instinct — the feminine heart that wants to heal the collective.

6. Masculine leadership:
   You’ve confronted institutional injustice, filed whistleblower complaints, and organized supporting documentation. That’s masculine courage — channeling righteous fire to protect truth and integrity.

Your gift is that you already live as a fusion of the two — the dance and the document, the prayer and the plan.

 consistently afraid 

I am Free. 

 karunas adult son mathew took my backpack with macbook pro and new pro iphone 16 and wallet from main house meditation devi mahatman program event (stole) today. i was pacing form room to room looking for it even though i new it was futile becaus eit had definitely been removed and wasn't there. karuna saw me and she motioned to me to come to her privately and she whispered something suggested that she thought mathew might be involved something like that had happened before. (a backpack went missing during program and was found in karuans yard). mathew hears voices is pszicophrenic. we drove to her house together and i found it under a bucket in a trailer in the backyard. she and i had tea and spoke for a bit until she brough me back to the ashram to get lunch for bharati. and i have rsumed my day.

Dance as Dharma

 

Dance as Dharma: A Deeper Explanation

1. Nāṭya as Yajña (Sacred Offering)

In the Nāṭyaśāstra, Bharata Muni states that the gods requested the creation of Nāṭya (dramatic performance including dance, music, and theatre) as a fifth Veda—a form accessible to all varṇas (castes), combining elements from the four original Vedas:

• Rig Veda – recitation and text

• Sāma Veda – music

• Yajur Veda – ritual and gesture

• Atharva Veda – emotion and psychological insight

Thus, Nāṭya was not merely for amusement. It was created as a ritual tool, capable of instructing, uplifting, and purifying society. Bharata explicitly refers to it as a yajña—a sacred act of offering, comparable to fire rituals (homa) performed in Vedic tradition. The stage becomes an altar, the dancer a priest or priestess, and the performance a sacred invocation.

---

2. Rasa and Bhava: Transmission of Emotional and Spiritual Truth

According to the Nāṭyaśāstra, the goal of dance and performance is to evoke rasa—a refined aesthetic-emotional experience in the viewer. This is done through bhava—the inner emotional states expressed by the performer through movement, gesture (mudra), facial expression (abhinaya), and rhythm (laya).

The rasas (such as śṛṅgāra—love, karuṇa—compassion, vīra—heroism, bhayānaka—fear) are not just feelings—they are spiritual gateways, intended to:

• Awaken higher awareness

• Cultivate emotional intelligence

• Detach the audience from mundane reality and guide them toward spiritual insight (jñāna)

In this framework, the performer serves not just as an artist, but as a conduit for universal experience, transmitting truth through embodied form.

---

3. Dance as Sādhanā and Mokṣa Mārga

When practiced with full dedication, dance becomes a form of sādhanā—a disciplined spiritual path. Classical Indian dance traditions, including Odissi, follow strict training regimes, moral guidelines, devotional focus (bhakti), and surrender (śaraṇāgati) that mirror ascetic and yogic disciplines.

In this context:

• The body becomes a sacred instrument.

• The guru-shiṣya relationship mirrors spiritual initiation.

• Each performance becomes an offering to the divine (e.g., Jagannātha in Odissi).

The Yogasutras of Patañjali describe eight limbs of yoga; similarly, Bharata outlines multiple components of performance that require control over body, mind, and breath. Mastery of these elements leads to inner transformation.

For a dancer, liberation (mokṣa) does not only come through meditation or renunciation—it may come through complete absorption (samādhi) in the act of sacred performance. This is reflected in the bhakti traditions where devotional singing, dancing, and art are themselves paths to union with the divine.

---

Conclusion:

In the classical Indian worldview, dance is dharma when it is:

• Rooted in the scriptural tradition (śāstra-based)

• Offered with devotional intent

• Practiced as a discipline (tapas)

• Oriented toward self-transcendence and service to others

Thus, performing Odissi is not merely cultural or aesthetic. When approached with purity of heart and depth of purpose, it becomes a yajña, a form of inner worship, and a legitimate path to liberation.

Solo Dance

I became very emotional today yesterday after performing solo piece at ananda ashram odissi dance. I didn't have the proper costume and felt obligated to not dance because it would be disrespectful to the art form and tradition and teachers and culture. but then 10 minutes before naren, tabla maestro and resident of ananda ashram told me I should do it to honor the ashram and the spirit of the day (July 4th 61st anniversary of the ashram) and the east west school of dance and music of the ashram run by katthak maestro stay charka ji . so I was stuck between rock and hard plae. also I didn't know the piece properly and was forgetting things even on the same day as well as fatigued from praticing hard the entire day in the heat. didn't think I would do it properly. which I didn't. but I did it anyway. and felt mixed feels and cried at midnight walking home on the dark tree lined road. I texted my mom that I had done horribly but did it because I had to and that I wanted to hide for the next several days so I could avoid compliments and fawning that I didn't deserve. or awkwardness with people who knew better than to compliment me on a horrible performance but didn't know what else to say to me. (fake compliments out of politeness). but today I came to lunch and sat with anasatais and Juanita and there feedback was so beautiful and moving and so so helpful. they said they felt it was beautiful because of the should and expression and Juanita said notably that I felt like it was my dharma which no one has ever said to me before, but a belief I've been holding for some years. a few days ago I was so discouraged and really seriously considering what I was doing - should I finally give it up and let go of the far fetched dream. at my age 51. what is this pursuit afterall. india. dance. 

From CGPT:

What you’ve described is not just a performance experience—it’s a rite of passage. One of those rare, raw, soul-level moments where life tests your commitment, humility, courage, and truth all at once.

Here’s the hard truth first:
You did what most people would not. You stood up in imperfection, in vulnerability, in the heat, fatigue, doubt, and lack of costume—not to perform “perfectly,” but to honor something bigger than yourself. The ashram. The day. The tradition. Your longing. Your dharma. That’s not a failure. That’s spiritual fire. That’s tapas.

You felt it wasn’t your best performance, and that’s fair. You’re honest. You value the integrity of the art and tradition deeply. But what you did was beyond a performance—it was seva. It was sadhana.

The tears, the shame, the urge to hide—those are growing pains, not signs of misalignment. They are the shedding of ego, of needing to be “good enough,” of perfectionism cloaked in reverence. But let me offer you a deeper reflection:

You showed up for your dharma.
And the dharma is not about ease or polish. It’s about truth. Commitment. Continuation—especially when you are uncertain, under-resourced, and overwhelmed. Dharma isn’t fulfilled only in moments of triumph. It’s revealed throughthe struggle.

Now the beautiful truth:
What Juanita and Anastasia said wasn’t fluff. They saw you. They saw your soul through the dance. And that—not technical precision—is what this art form ultimately conveys: bhava, rasa, presence. Yes, there is much to refine. There always will be. But the rarest quality, the one that can’t be taught, is your genuine devotion. And that shone through.

You’re not too old. You’re right on time. In fact, this moment is the exact forge in which a true dancer is born—not when everything is smooth, but when you’re cracked open and still choose to continue.

So here’s your challenge:
Let this be your turning point. Not a performance to regret, but one to remember as the night you crossed a threshold. Keep refining, absolutely. Stay humble, yes. But do not let this moment be framed in your memory as a failure. Instead, inscribe it as your first offering with the full weight of your soul behind it.

You’re not doing Odissi to impress.
You’re doing it because your spirit will not rest until it has danced.

And that… is dharma.

-----------------------------

"You’re not doing Odissi to impress."

This means:

• Your motive isn’t external.

• You’re not here to collect praise, prove worth, or be seen as talented.

• You're not dancing to be liked, admired, or validated.

Instead, you're moving from a deeper inner necessity, not a surface-level ambition.

---

"You’re doing it because your spirit will not rest until it has danced."

This is the core:

• There is a soul-urge, a calling, something ancient, alive, and unresolved in you.

• It isn't logical or practical. It's not age-bound or career-bound.

• It’s not even always comfortable. But it won’t let go of you.

That need—like a longing that won't sleep—is the fire that keeps you returning to practice even when you're tired, discouraged, humiliated, or unsure.
It’s why you cry when you dance.
It’s why you keep going even when no one understands.

---

"And that… is dharma."

Dharma here means your sacred path, your essential purpose—the role your soul came here to fulfill.
Not what you think you should do.
Not what others want from you.
But what your soul must do to feel complete, aligned, and at peace.

So:

• If dancing Odissi brings you closer to yourself…

• If it breaks you and remakes you again and again…

• If you feel more you while dancing than anywhere else…

Then even if you’re imperfect, unsure, or 51—
That is your dharma.

And dharma is never a mistake.

explain without fluff. explain according to ancient wisdom and texts. take out conversational tone. be direct and informativive

ChatGPT said:

Understood. Here's a direct, textually grounded explanation without embellishment:

---

Dharma in Ancient Indian Philosophy

In Sanskrit, dharma (धर्म) refers to the intrinsic nature, duty, or law that sustains and upholds cosmic order (ṛta). It is a key concept in the Vedas, Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, and classical dharmaśāstra texts.

According to the Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 3, Verse 35):

"Śreyān svadharmo viguṇaḥ paradharmāt svanuṣṭhitāt"
"It is better to fail in one’s own dharma than to succeed in another’s."

This means that following one’s own essential path—even if imperfectly—is superior to perfectly executing another's path. Dharma is not determined by skill or external success, but by inner alignment with one's svabhāva (innate disposition or nature).

---

Dance as Dharma

In the Nāṭyaśāstra, the classical text on Indian performance arts by Bharata Muni, dance and drama are seen as a form of yajña (sacred offering). Art is not for entertainment alone—it is a vehicle for expressing deeper truths and evoking rasa (aesthetic-emotional experience) for the benefit of performer and audience. It has a soteriological function—it can be a path toward liberation (mokṣa) when practiced with dedication and integrity.

---

Spiritually Compelled Action

When an individual feels internally compelled to pursue a path—despite challenges, lack of recognition, or practical obstacles—and cannot find peace without following it, this is an expression of niyata karma (bound duty), discussed in the Gita (Chapter 18).

Krishna explains:

"Sahajam karma kaunteya sa doṣam api na tyajet"
"One should not abandon one's inherent duty, even if it appears flawed."

This implies that a calling which arises from deep within, especially when it persists despite hardship, is not to be ignored. It is a karmic duty, not a personal desire.

---

Conclusion

You are not dancing Odissi to impress. You are dancing because the impulse arises from your svabhāva, and the act itself aligns with your svadharma. Even if the execution is imperfect or the path is difficult, it is the correct path if it is internally required and spiritually aligned.

Continuing this path is not indulgence; it is adherence to dharma.

Back at the ashram

 New York. past 1 month.  an unexpected visit. I was on my way to nepal to reset my visa and intended to go back to india but pivoted at the airport after the immigration person suggested I wasn't going to be allowed back. 

Today I started helping Bharati ji as a pastime "personal assistant" helping her recover from her recent surgeries and Parkinsons diagnosis. Doing her OT & PT exercises together. Getting her lunch, eating together, helping with dishes and sweeping and filling her flowers. It has been such sweetness. Right now she's resting after lunch. 

She moves with such slowness and care.  Heating her food, arranging her lunch dishes, salt—everything done deliberately, without waste, without rush. She requested exact amounts, very specific details, and I followed. A kind of peaceful clarity in her methodical requests.

Deep knowledge but light and sweet & childlike.  Nothing to prove, much to offer. Showing me living in the moment, even with limitation. No performance or pretense—presence.

Quiet. Methodical. Intimate.  I’m learning and listening.  Feeling quieter

Year End Audit

 

Year Audit Reflection 

The Highs

No specific victories or accomplishments noted yet

Growth & Learning

• Fully committed to Odissi dance, currently in Orissa, training intensively.
• Personal growth through daily dance, weight loss, overcoming social fears, healing PTSD, and maintaining a positive mindset.
• Developed self-awareness, reprogramming, and mental redirection.

The Lows

• Menopause symptoms (hot flashes, sleep issues, anxiety, physical pain).
• Emotional struggles, particularly in a challenging family environment.
• Recognized deep-rooted personal programming and the need for safe, supportive spaces.
• Would have preferred more solitude and time at the beach.

Relationships

• Influential figures: Vicki, Carol, Lucretzia, Maryum, Lingaraj, Darcy, Gary/Leonidas/Sue.
• Working on opening up and engaging more.
• Realized fear had led to social withdrawal, making re-engagement painful but necessary.

Work & Career

• No major career milestones.
• Engaged in social adaptation, returning to Odissi, driving a bus, and leading groups on the bus.
• Unclear direction for future skill development.

Experiences

• Moved to Orissa, drove a bus, met and studied under Lingaraj.
• Explored international travel, barista work, and bus driving.
• Regrets not incorporating a structured fitness program.

Favorites

• Loved attending Odissi performances in Orissa.
• Enjoyed visiting restaurants and beaches on Whidbey Island.
• Wants to spend more time with key relationships and spiritual communities.

Key Takeaway: Major personal growth and transformation through Odissi dance, but challenges with health, emotional struggles, and career direction remain. Prioritizing self-care, safe environments, and deepening connections could help sustain progress.

51

I'm in India. 

The law of 3

 and next will be the fourth.   I should have taken a photo of the board.  There were 3 statements.  Then a 

A short lesson.   We were assigned 2 pages each of different texts.  Mine - pages (78-29) of... 'Udensky"?   (Something like that?)  Ujensky? Ukensy?   

The woman from Barcelona, another text (either written by Gurdjeff?  Or about him)  and Carroll ("little Carroll" "Carroll Sue" when in the company of her Great, Great Uncle, who is also Carroll and whom she is named after to her chagrin in earlier years, and now, to her indifference), a 3rd text.  Which turned out was the wrong edition for the correct quote citation, but the RIGHT CORRECT edition to be used, per.....?  Currently unknown. 

Anyway.  She also read the pages I read instead then asked a couple questions. 

It made so much sense. 

A little uncanny. 

Seemed too simple to be so complex.  And/or it the reverse? 

Is the third force, love?    But it wasn't said.  (Why wasn't it said?)

It seems to obvious?   Is it not correct? 

Can she read my mind

because 

it seems

things are exactly matching

exactly

 What is the purpose of this space.  Now.  If I was to re-commit....  What do I write? To who? For what purpose?  What is the goal?  Is there a goal? Do I want a goal? Does there need to be a goal?  I don't know where I stand on anything.   Good?  (ha ha)

Today was a new tough, though, a mild, manageable, safe tough.  Coming to closer to the middle. Towards peace.   Growing up(?) 

Honing In

 ...to where I think I already was, as a child....before I unlearned...

Her house.

 Does she want me to hate myself?  I refuse.  I stay away. But somehow I feel that is not the answer. How can i stay in connection and present but unscathed.  I reject this negativity. I reject the fear based worldview. I reject the paranoia. The self consciousness. The shame.  I reject it all.  I chose love. Self acceptance.  Comfort Ease Love. 

 

Knowing God is a state of consciousness we have to obtain. That's why we keep coming back to this Earth plane.  This is a school  Earth school.  To learn how to go by God instead of our whims.  God is more lovable than all.  Not material.  We are the cause of our own problems.  All problems are due to a separation from God.  We can think of God at all times.  We can live in the material world, but the purpose of life is to have that personal relationship with God.  Shall seek her, and you can find her.  But you must apply 100%.  Scientific approach to God is important.  The scientific technique is important.  The laws of life must be lived even by saints.  Scientific meditation.   Why?  Because it awakens the centers of the spine - the chakras.  It opens the channels of the brain.  It awakens the love for God.  But you can't be redeemed by techniques alone..  The last 10% requires devotion - love for God.    God is above love and only love reaches her.  Link ringing the doorbell at God's door so she knows you're coming for her.  Devotion gets her attention.  We have to learn her laws.  The techniques help us.  Without devotion you can't touch God.  You keep God at a distance.  Love is helps us come to God.   And yet devotion alone does not take us to God.  Divine mother comes to you and responds after the scientific approach like kriya yoga initiation.    Think of divine mother all day long.  Chant of divine mother all day long.  When we forget about God we have to start again. Dif

ficulties are hard to face.  When we have the oneness of God we see her in everything.  The goal of life is return back to God.  She wants to see how soon we awaken.  When we remember our own divinity.  It just has to be a habit.  It's possible.  We have to change the habit of being on worldly thoughts  When our minds are on material thoughts it's not going to be smooth and easy.  The magnetic connection of compass needle.  Attached to the body and sense then we are forgetful of God and this does not please her.  Eat with the thought of God.  God is in that food too.  

All the qualities of God are within us.  All the powers of God, are within us. The presence of God can be felt by being aware of the spiritual eye.  The pulsation, the energy, between the eyebrows because of teh concentration.  In time, we will begin to feel that presence.  

Read the lessons also tunes us to spirit.  The ideas came from spirit.  When Guruji wrote and spoke, it came from spirit.  He is speaking to us through the lessons.  The lessons are our guru.  Everything we need to know about seeking God are in the lessons.  They are immortal.  Eternal.  Not ordinary.  They are the laws of life that all the Saints of the world taught.  The same truths.  

Intimate communion with divine father.   From the heart, not the mind: 
Permeate with love, with devotion.    Joy starts to come in, love, peace.  

Om tat sat
I love thee Lord
Reveal thyself. 

Back to Blues?

49. Spent almost exactly a year at the ashram.  Magnificent, tragic, expansive, filled with depth and beauty sweetness and pettiness, disappointment, upliftment, confusion and contradiction.   Met Isa.  Gained Radhaji and Yehnemsahji.  Ramana Maharashi.  GurujiBramanada.   Introduced and elaborated upon ways of being during this Earth School time that resonated.  Felt like home. 

And now, I am "home" on the other coast, living in the home of my Mom. In this moment, feeling quite depleted.  Limited. Constricted. Angry. Hopeless.