I think I'm a sellout

And/or have no self-respect.  Obviously.  Otherwise why would I accept this treatment?  Because I "need" a job.  Even if it's barely a job.  A sympathy job, as it is.  Not good enough to be officially hired but not bad enough to be fired.  So instead hired and dehired hired and dehired and all-the-time hanging on by a thread.  Scrutinzed and judged.  Dancing and prancing and putting on a show.  Trying to be liked enough to stay.  Valued.  When will it end?  8 months and still in limbo.