I've been swept away - haven't read or blogged in countless weeks. Absorbed in ~no not absorbed~ lost in ~ work then rushing home to escape it though my fantasy WOW world until finally falling into unconscious sleep. Rewind. Begin again. Day after day. Just trying to get by. Survive. Flourishing is not even on the radar. One day at a time. Mindless and numb. Trying my best to contain the rage.
2 comments:
Sometimes getting by is all the victory that you can hope for. There's much to be said for survival.
yah. and some "life is about the trip not the destination" shit. and i don't know. i usually tell myself that i've been through worse and i'm better it. and that by next year, i'll be in a whole new place and none of this will matter. and some other crap to grapple for the big picture.
the other day i was in the grocery store. and some teenage boy boisterously extended his whole right arm and index finger in my direction: "see! that's what you're gonna look like. look how big she is," laughing, covering his mouth. and then motioning towards this tini young thing next to him, tells me that his girlfriend is pregnant too.
throughout the store, they point at me. it's a small store, maybe ten isles. and as we check out, they get in line behind us. the boy asks if it's going to be a girl. and then cheered, pointing at the girls belly, "yah. that's right. and that better be a girl too. i told you i want a girl."
she looked embarassed. and she looked 14. i turned and asked how old she was. 16. has she told her family yet. she nodded yes. i reassured her, or tried to, that they would help her.
and carrying the grocery bags to the car, all i could think about is how ready i am. how ready she's not. how i'm like twice her age, but our kids are going to grow up in this neighborhood just fine together.
but mostly, walter and i are going to be just fine. there are people much worse off than us.
listen lady. i want you to freakin be happy. when will you just decide that from now on, you're going to be happy?
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