Dear C, 

Thank you so much for you flexibility last night!   I am SO sorry!  I feel like I've been in a bit of a fog since we last spoke.   Because my surgery was rescheduled, I ended up having the week to myself, which sounds great!   ~An awesome opportunity to finally do all the things I've been dying to do (i.e.: finally set up the studio management system I finally picked (after months of research), finally finally FINALLY FINALIZE my pricing, create some marketing PDFs, organize my apt... etc), but instead, I choked!   I slept all day, stayed awake night, and basically did 1 of two things at all times: watch standup comedy, or compulsively research medical stuff related to the surgery.  And that's about all I can remember of the entire week.  I'm pretty sure I didn't even leave the apt?    I don't know?   It's a blur?  Who am I?  What day is this? What happened?   And then it was Sunday morning, and I was like "oh shit! what was my homework?! omggggggg!"     

I am so sorry! 

I think I was in serious denial about this medical thing (tumor removal & simultaneous news that I might have lupus???)- I didn't think much of it at all.  A couple friends texted me, "UM> ARE YOU OK WITH THIS?  HOW ARE YOU?"   And I was like, "Um yeah! sure! why not? Of course! it's fine!" (??)    

....AND THEN I STARTED READING... 

And then I couldn't stop.   

There were so many side effects, and it was so crazy, and so surreal, and I was having trouble mentally absorbing what I was seeing.   

"THIS IS A FOR-REAL, LEGIT, ACTUAL MAJOR OPERATION.  MY FACE IS GONNA BE PEELED LIKE A BANANA.  I MAY NEVER FEEL MY EAR AGAIN.  I COULD  LIKE A STROKE VICTIM FOR LIFE. Seriously. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. HERE"   

The doctor had been so casual and quick & in a hurry?  Like, "no biggie - see ya laterz"  (Maybe that's New York style?) 

But, consolidation prize: i am gonna have one sweet badass scar down my neck!  Like a boss!  

So not ALL bad.   i can say I was in a knife fight and kinda not be lying. 

I actually think that much more physical considerations, it's evoked some emotional stuff.   I've been the primary caretaker of my partner for the last decade. He's an amazing, beautiful soul and I love him.   But knowing that he won't there while I'm in hospital, the way I have been for him all of these years,  kinda re-ignites the loneliness of our unorthodox relationship that I usually try to mentally repress down. 

So anyway, maybe that's an overshare, but, I wanted you to know that I sincerely appreciate our time together, and wanted you to have some context to explain a little bit about my "disembooogelaated" state last night!!!    It wasn't because I don't care!   I SO CARE!  And am SO excited to work with you.  :)

In fact, I better go, because I have homework to do!   STAT! 

Warm regards, 

Indigo