----
The slender long finger plunges itself past the delicate dried flowers straight to the bottom of my cup, invading the sanctity of my freshly steeping tea. I hadn't even finished pouring the boiled water! What the fuck?! My one pathetic solitary shred of peace. My only respite in the whole of my entire jumpled fucked up turbulent life.
That's my tea!
Get out!
And with such impunity too. Such self-righteousness. A challenge to me to say something. With that finger came possession. Why not. If there's a problem, it's mine. It's what she wants. Nothing to think about. In goes that long dark elegant finger. Anything goes. Collateral damage be dammed. Everything and everyone in her path. Not because she's a bad person or hateful or awful, but because she's too has been wounded. Far. Too. Much. And now lacks the ability to distinguish friend from foe. It's reflexive. Survival instincts. I don't hate her for it. I understand. I relate. I feel her pain. But nonetheless. MY TEA!
GET.
OUT!
And I say something. This is the new me. I just fucking say it. I don't care if it seems shitty and like I don't have a right. I don't care that it can be held against me. I don't care if it will be misunderstood and misrepresented. I don't care if it will be twisted and used as justification to hate.
Get your hand out of my motherfucking tea.
I follow my instincts. I don't second guess. I don't silence myself.
I speak. Ready for whatever's next - come what may. It will be difficult, but essential, my hope is, dialogue.
------------
The speedboat roars down the corridor in stops and starts. I spray passerbyers on the sidewalks in giant plumes of water. Soaking other students on the sidewalk. Friends. Walking colleagues. I'm mortified. I can't help it. I can't stop. I'm trying to maintain control of the boat but in reality, I really can not.
----------
I mentally search and search and search but it seems that they are lost. The angst and pain and mental confusion have obfuscated their location. What are the numbers of that lock?! Oh my god! I have to find them! I am lost! That rectangular metal box holds the keys to my home, that boat, my friends. I have to find them! I am completely helpless, alone and unsafe. What are the numbers to that lock?! Everything in my entire life is in that box!
