Pleasures of Him

Brushing the hair from my face
Standing behind me and wrapping his arms around me
Making each other laugh
Breaking into song

mediocre life
mediocre person

Deadwood Lines

convey my joy
and tell him numerous scores awaits

soft fuckin day
morning crop ear

is he about?

cease fortune by the forlock

say your piece or get the fuck out

i hope you commend my words to him

i contemplate a piece of activity

when can i expect a favorable response?

from this point forward i'll hand that... person

deceptively fair weather given the devastating rumors

more conviction

may i install your luggage in one of our better rooms?

about 50 yards as a bird flies

to whom shall i assign the room?

thought that position is largely ceremonial. no the position is real

it seemed that in the aftermath of his disappearance that you choose different companions

such moonlight treachery being the stealthy hallmark of

that's of no personal interest to me or anyone in this town

i don't want to hear it spoken of again because it darkens my thoughts

It is no disloyalty to be a realist. It is not loyalty betrayed. I feel exposed. I don't like being weak and i know i am. I fear what I'm capable of - where as you Richardson know nothing of yourself. Are you shitting or going blind?  Are you running or on horseback?  Careful of the shephards pie.

Said he to you while he doing the same?

okay - allright

lays there and shivers and stares at nothing

the current quickened and the waters muddied

your meaning is beyond me

peril

the camps at peril. worse than peril

wonderful kind intuitive generous

Things I Want To Learn

Massage Therapy
Dnc
Martial Arts
Drumming
Guitar
MIDI recording/composition
Web Design
Creative Art Therapy
Photography
Auto-mechanics
Spanish
Hindi
Screenwriting

Hello and first of all, thank you so much for this generous service as well as your time and help. I truly appreciate your participation in such a noble and nurturing cause, and am grateful to have stumbled upon you as such things are difficult if not impossible to discuss in my daily life. As you know, the stigma and fear attached to depression compounds the alienation surrounding already difficult feelings... I'm left wondering - where to turn? How do I distinguish between true depression and simply feeling under the weather? How seriously do I take myself? Is it worth your time for me to email you? I don't know. But I do somehow feel compelled to reach out as I crave some semblance of relief from this despair - this sense of hopelessness and lack of self. I crave comfort. Help. And am unsure where to turn. Or actually, am without resources I suppose. I 'd love to seek therapy but have neither health insurance or the the money. I'd speak to a friend but am disconnected and fatigued. Regardless, I will continue pushing on, though to be honest, I often feel completely deflated inside. Adrift in the middle of a lonely sea.

Thanks again for hearing me.

It means alot.

bored

is my life wasted?

i could cry.

i could cry right now.

right here at my desk.

an idiot. bafoon.  the maturity of a 5th grader.  socially strange. passive agressive. inconsistant and hypocritical.  mean-spirited and cloaked in fake niceties. i do not like her. she makes our lives hell.

who am i becoming

am i turning into a jerk?

 

i'm not sure if i care what people think of me anymore

 

i'm not sure i care about appearing "nice"

 

work is really wearing on me

 

i am tired of the these unrealistic arbitrary unfair demands

 

covering for others who are not held responsible - working 2-3 times harder than others because they are not held accountable - because they are talking all day on their cell phone - because they walk away on their desks for extended unnaccounted for breaks - because they blatantly ignore students and phone calls and they are left standing standing standing unless i alone acknowledge/help them 

 

i am so frustrated

 

i have been feeling trapped in here

 

put out many resumes with little/no response

 

what's next? what do i do now? how do i get out of here? what will i make of my life? where am i going