Without looking at old posts, I have no idea where I left off. Maybe a year ago. Maybe 5. Why am I writing here again? Haven't I outgrown this place by now? Not at all. I suspect I'm just as immature and insecure and self-absorbed as ever, even now after four decades of the same. And I continue writing posts as I think - when I walk, or sit, or lie down and drift off to sleep in bed. This is my sacred place. Where I am my most authentic self. Even if it's just a construct in my head.
I lost my Director job in a moderate shroud of infuriating scandal. Too painful and old to go into today, but just know, that eventually, I came to a place of peace with it. I know that I was wronged. I know that I did good work. I know that I was respected and loved. And I know that it taught me difficult but important lessons about life. I was freed, in so many ways. From the naiveté of youth, from the bondage of expectations, from the entrapment of security. And now with that behind me, I'm finally, finally free to construct the life that I choose by my own design. There could be no greater gift! The following years of despair, and doubt and fear, and frustration were worth it. All worth it.
